Living Out Loud

Rambling through life

A comment about rambling on Megan's post about authenticity and redefinition deeply resonated with me.  I realised "rambling" is exactly what I've been doing the last few years.  And it's been an absolute joy! 

I know it's not the modern Western way, but I don't have much of a plan for my life!  When I was a practicing life coach, I was great at setting myself clear goals - and encouraged clients and friends to do likewise!  But whenever I set myself a plan of action, I often found it turning into a mountain of "shoulds".  And "shoulds" drain my energy and create resistance, and usually I would end up abandoning the plan.  And what was worse, the abandonment was often unconscious, and brought a resulting feeling of shame with it. 

But over the last few years I've paid more attention to the fundamental intentions underlying my various goals.  And I've found the specific goals shifting and evolving at such a fast rate, that I just can't take them too seriously anymore.  And since I've stopped tying myself to various targets (and especially conventional goals) I've felt less pressure, stress and anxiety about where it is I'm going.

Instead, I find myself more and more open to allowing things to unfold, and trusting that they're all happening perfectly for me.  That's not to say that I don't still want various outcomes at different times.  I most certainly do!  But somehow I'm managing to not become too attached, or to eventually release my attachments, and allow what I want for myself to evolve. 

It's been a surprising journey to say the least.  But it's been wonderful too.  I'm really enjoying my life.  I don't have alot of the conventional securities that almost everyone I know has, or indeed much of a structure to my life. 

I do still have dreams and desires, and I am pursuing them according to what feels right in the moment, for as long as it feels right to do so.  And when a shift kicks in and it starts to feel like I need to take a detour, I take it.  Sometimes that detour still takes me towards the same destination (just in a more roundabout way), and sometimes it leads me in a whole new direction. 

So what! I've learned to stop worrying about where I'll end up.  Because there's simply no way of knowing!  Even if I had a rigid plan that I sticked to consistently, day in day out, there'd be no guarantee I'd end up in the place where I expected to be.  Our lives can change, beyond complete recognition, in a heartbeat. 

Everytime I catch myself beginning to become embroiled in the whole business of conventional expectations, I remind myself of this irrefutable truth.  And it returns me to a place of peace and restores my ability to trust that where I am is exactly where I'm meant to be.

My over-riding, non-changing desires for my life are based around states of being.  Being happy, being centred in the energy of love, being connected to others, being in abundance, being at peace.  And none of these states require achieving any specific targets.  Having-ness will result in the ways that are best aligned with and best support the states of being I create for myself. 

Some of those outcomes will resemble the people and things I consciously chose, and some of them will be complete surprises.  Some of those outcomes will come easily, and some will come after I let go of suffering of my own creation (from being too attached to how things come about). 

While I hope that for the most part I find the path easy enough, I accept there will be rough patches along the way.  I have no idea where I'm going, or how I'm going to get there.  I'm sticking with my clear intentions of how I want to 'be' in this world, but my only 'plan' (for now!) is to continue rambling my way through life. ;-)

Be open to magic and miracles

A Thought for the Week

 

 

photo by Sandy Austen

 

"Magic is believing in yourself, if you can do that, you can make anything happen." ~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

 

"You can become blind by seeing each day as a similar one. Each day is a different one, each day brings a miracle of its own. It's just a matter of paying attention to this miracle." ~ Paolo Coelho

 

"One way can be learned by starting to see the magic in everything.  Sometimes it seems to be hiding but it is always there. The more we can see the magic in one thing, a tiny flower, a mango, someone we love, then the more we are able to see the magic in everything and in everyone."  ~ Joshua Kadison

"That's the thing with magic.  You've got to know it's still here, all around us, or it just stays invisible for you."  ~  Charles de Lint

One Word Intention for 2010: Connection

I'm really not one for new year resolutions, and have written in the past about my preference for intentions over goals - I find them more empowering.

Just before Christmas I read this post by Lance, and immediately loved the concept: a one word intention for the new year.  One word is so much easier to keep your focus on than any well-meaning list.  I also knew instinctively what my word for 2010 would be: connection.

Where and how do I hope to see "connection" manifesting in my life this year?  Quite simply, everywhere, and everyhow!

 
In 2010 I would like to create many new connections, in every aspect of my life, and deepen those that already exist.

How about you?  Have you abandoned your resolutions already?  What single focus could you direct your attention on instead that might make a bigger difference?

Happy New Year!

I stole this off John's blog HiLife2B (but I don't think he'll mind)

“Another fresh new year is here . . .
Another year to live!
To banish worry, doubt, and fear,
To love and laugh and give!

This bright new year is given me
To live each day with zest . . .
To daily grow and try to be
My highest and my best!

I have the opportunity
Once more to right some wrongs,
To pray for peace, to plant a tree,
And sing more joyful songs!”

- William Arthur Ward

 

Wishing you much joy and many blessings over the coming year - Hilda.

The A - Z of Happiness: G is for . . .

Letting go of Guilt

 

I used to say to clients that guilt was a wasted emotion.  But I've since come to realise that it's worse than that.  Guilt is in fact a destructive emotion, as it drains your energy, and fosters feelings of shame.  And shame depletes self-esteem.

 

So, if you catch yourself in the act of feeling guilty, you need to learn to let it go.  I already talked about this somewhat in F is for . . .  (forgiving yourself and others). 

 

"It is probable that guilt is merely disguised fear of retribution, either divine or by the person wronged, which is why you punish yourself with shame and flagellation.  It's a way, thinks your unconscious mind, to make amends so you don't get punished." ~ Barefoot Doctor

 

I don't know about you, but when I examined my feelings of guilt in the past, I realised that the above is true.  I believe in karma, and while I do feel genuine remorse for my (perceived) acts of wrongdoing, fear of them coming back to bite me is never far away either.  But actually, focussing attention on your (perceived) shameful deeds is giving them energy, and increasing the likelihood of your perpetuating actions that give rise to more guilt, or indeed attracting your (perceived) deserved retribution.

 

It's not too promising for your personal growth really.

 

Now I try not to indulge in feelings of guilt.  They don't contribute to the wellbeing of the person towards whom I'm feeling guilty, and they certainly don't contribute to my wellbeing.  Instead, I treat myself with compassion.  I acknowledge the action I took that I wish I'd done differently, identify how I might rectify the situation, and resolve to do better in future.  Then I let go, and move on.

 

That's a choice you can make too.  Of course, you can choose the guilt, shame and self-flagellation.  But it won't do you or anyone else any good whatsoever. 

 

Why not try a different approach instead and see how that serves you?

 

Giving what you want to receive

 

“The game of life is a game of boomerangs. Our thoughts, deeds and words return to us sooner or later with astounding accuracy."  ~  Florence Scovell Shinn

 

The experiences you have in your life are always reflecting your thoughts and feelings - the energy you are emitting. 

 

So if there is something you want to receive more of in your life, try giving more of that to those around you. Give love, money, attention, support and you will receive love, money, attention and support – just so long as you give it from a place of genuine love and caring for others. This is absolutely key.

 

Give what you want to receive, but don't give in order to receive.

 

If you give in order to receive, you will negate the receiving effect. This is because your underlying intention is based in a feeling of lack - that is the energy you’re emitting and therefore you will continue to attract that lack.

 

But when you focus on genuinely seeking to help and serve others, you will discover, in many surprising ways, that you are receiving much of the same - and often much, much more - back into your own life.

 

And another added bonus: when you give what you want to receive, you're less likely to act in ways that lead to guilt ;-)

 

 

Goals  -  but treat them lightly!

Self-Exposure

I came across this project the day after I'd posted "As within, so without" as my thought for the week, and in the midst of a kidney infection.  Due to a manic couple of months past, I haven't been blogging, and was promising myself I'd get back to it this week.  The topic started by Mish drew me in...

I know this is true of everyone, but I HATE being sick.  Apart from a cough/cold each winter I'm rarely sick.  And when something else comes along it really pisses me off.  I don't feel like I deserve it because for the most part I look after my health.

But reading other blogger's 'Exposed' posts about why they love their bodies has helped me shift back to an attitude of gratitude for my own body.  I'm appreciating that it always serves me well.  Always!  Even if I'm feeling like it's letting me down, that isn't the case.

I do believe that every illness of the body has a metaphysical cause, and according to Louise Hay kidney problems can be caused by refusing to grow up.

Now two weeks ago I turned 40.  And I didn't have a problem with it, really.  I embraced it and celebrated it.  Or at least that's what I thought I was doing!! 

But I also joked with everyone that I wasn't really 40, I was going along with it for the craic (that's Irish for fun), but that somebody had made a big mistake.  Definitely a bit of a conflict going on...

And so my body, that is usually healthy, is actually serving me well by manifesting a kidney infection.  It has drawn my awareness to an inner conflict I need to resolve.

Divine right action is always taking place in my life.  Only good comes from each experience.  It is safe to grow up. ~ Louise Hay affirmation for my condition (in case you share it!)

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I wrote the above a week ago.  I was pretty much inspired to do it after reading Lance's post.  But it's taken me a week to get the courage to finish it, because to post I had to include the pic.

Eventhough I admired others the courage to post their semi-naked pics, when it came to doing the same myself, it felt a little indecent.  Why is it that I could admire an action in others and criticise myself for contemplating the same?  I detect a little double-standards in my consciosness...

And so, I'm taking a deep breath and posting.  I still feel very uncomfortable doing so, but I also know that the discomfort comes from the need for approval, or to be more accurate in this case, the fear of disapproval.  But I've let fear hold me back so often in my life, and these days I do my best not to let that happen anymore.  I make a big effort to feel the fear and do it anyway. 

So I've joined the ranks.  Here is my body, exposed, as it looks today.

  
 

Right now, I'm ok with how it looks.  But the problem is, I tend to appreciate it more when it looks what I consider to be good, and not so much when I feel like I need to lose a few pounds or tone up. 

And that's not good enough really.  My body deserves my respect and appreciation at all times.  Because at all times it is working for me.  Everything I experience in life is made possible by my perfect body.  And therefore it is always worthy of my unconditional love, be it sick or healthy, thin or not-so-thin.

I'm grateful for that reminder.  I'm also grateful that I'm nearly over my kidney infection ;-) 

And even if I have some more work to do before I'm fully in the 'loving it' space, I'm definitely feeling ALOT more appreciation for my body!

What about you?  What do you appreciate about your body?

Count your blessings

(A Thought for the Week)

"Count your blessings. Once you realize how valuable you are and how much you have going for you, the smiles will return, the sun will break out, the music will play." ~ Og Mandino
 
"When a person thinks about the things, people and experiences that they're grateful for, their awareness of the good in their life increases, and they start to feel good. What you focus on increases, so the more you feel good about all there is to be grateful for, the more will show up." ~Jamie Smart

"When it comes to life, the critical thing is whether you take things for granted or take them with gratitude." ~ Gilbert Keith Chesteron

photo by Live from Amsterdam

Don't worry, be happy

(A Thought for the Week)

"Every tomorrow has two handles. We can take hold of it with the handle of anxiety or the handle of faith." ~ Henry Ward Beecher

"Worry is like a rocking chair - it gives you something to do but it doesn't get you anywhere." ~ Unknown

"Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy." ~ Leo F. Buscaglia

 

"Every evening I turn my worries over to God. He's going to be up all night anyway." ~ Mary C Crowley

The A - Z of Happiness: F is for . . .

Forgiveness

Forgiveness is letting go of angry and resentful thoughts and feelings.  It is a key element of happiness, because if you continue to think about the “wrong” somebody did you, you are fuelling unhappy emotions. 

 

When somebody hurts you badly, it can be extremely difficult to let go of your anger towards them and forgive.  A lot of the time it’s difficult because you actually don’t want to forgive them - you don't think they deserve it!  In order to protect yourself, you hold onto your anger.  This is all very understandable, but regrettable too, as in harbouring these feelings, the person you’re hurting most is yourself.  In hanging onto these feelings you’re affecting your own energy, and not to your benefit.  Forgive, if not for the sake of the person “who done you wrong”, then for your own sake.

 

Every action that anybody takes is, at its unconscious root, motivated either by love or fear.  When somebody treats you badly, the unconscious reason for that was their own fear.  Bear this in mind, and it may help you to feel compassion rather than anger, or at least to let go of your resentment.

 

Forgiveness does not have to mean you pick up the pieces of your broken relationship with the person you feel betrayed or let you down.  You can let go of the friendship if that’s what feels right, but the essential thing is that you do let go of your feelings of anger, betrayal and resentment.  It can take time to get there, but if you resolve to move on for your own sake it becomes easier to let go of the angry thoughts when they do come to the fore.

 

Forgive yourself

 

It is just as critical to your health and well-being to forgive yourself for past mistakes, as it is to forgive others.  In fact, learning to forgive yourself will increase your sense of compassion towards others and make the act of forgiveness easier whenever the need arises.

 

When it comes to self-forgiveness, ask yourself what good do you do yourself, or anybody else, by beating yourself up?  It will not help you to move forward.  In fact, it will stunt your ability to grow from whatever "mistake" you made.

 

Growth is about accepting what happened, identifying what you can learn from it and how you can do better in the future, then letting it go.  and in order to be happy in the present, you need to stop focussing on the past.  It's over and done with, you cannot change that.  If there's a way you can make things somewhat better, then do so.  Then decide to do better in future and move on.

Treat yourself with the same compassion you need to treat others in order to forgive them.  Understand that you acted from a place of fear, and set the intention to go forwards living, as much as possible, from a place of love.

 

Letting go of Fear

Easier said than done, I know, but fear is a giant stumbling block to your personal happiness.  Strictly the domain of the ego (your Spirit knows only Love), fear is an emotion that arises to protect us, but in doing so it often limits us.

Fear is the opposite of love, and in the coaching world it's used as an acronym for False Events Appearing Real.  When you feel fear rise up inside you, ask yourself if that could possibly be the case.  Because sometimes fear is associated with a very real threat and serves us well.  But most of the time, our fear is around the anticipation of some uncomfortable outcome that may or may not actually arise.

And what's more, fear - like love - is a powerful energy, and we attract into our lives those things we love and fear the most, because those are the areas where we focus most of our attention.

To live your very best life, you need to learn to let go of fear.  Otherwise you will not push yourself to do that which scares you.  And it's fine not to do something because you don't want to.  But to not do something because you're scared is a shame.

I know it's not easy.  For most of my life I was a coward and would avoid anything that meant overcoming a fear, be that for my physical, pyschological or emotional safety.  Eventhough I longed to do more, I would sit on the sidelines and watch rather than take risks.  But over the last decade I've slowly pushed myself, stretching my comfort zone a little at a time.  When I look back now I can hardly believe what I'm willing to do compared to how I used to be. 

It starts with the decision: I'm not going to let fear hold me back.  To borrow Susan Jeffer's term, to live your very best life, you need to feel the fear and do it anyway.  And reading that book would actually be a very good starting point ;-)

Freedom

Freedom is a sense of being, rather than a reflection of your life situation.  You don't have to be footloose and fancy-free to feel free.  It's about choice, or to be more accurate, feeling as though what you do in life is a choice.

And in fact, you always have a choice.  You may not be able to control every situation in your life, but you always have a choice about how you respond to anything that occurs.  And therein lies your freedom.

When you recognise this freedom to choose your response, you will find yourself more accepting of what is.  You won't need to struggle with life, because you know that even if things aren't how you wish they are right now, you can choose how to view it, and how to deal with it.  You can choose to look for lessons instead of feeling sorry for yourself.  You can choose to find a way to use your situation to help others deal with similar circumstances.  You can choose to remember that everything is temporary and this too will pass.

You can choose to feel free (and you can choose to be happy!)

Fun

But of course!  You're allowed to have fun.  In fact, many of the most enlightened souls on the planet are very light-hearted with it.  So lighten up.  Make a list of the things that make your heart sing and do at least one item on the list every day.

 

Expect the best

A Thought for the Week

"Nobody succeeds beyond his or her wildest expectations unless he or she begins with some wild expectations." ~ Ralph Charell

"Set your sights high, the higher the better. Expect the most wonderful things to happen, not in the future but right now. Realize that nothing is too good. Allow absolutely nothing to hamper you or hold you up in any way." ~ Eileen Caddy

"Expect the best and a funny thing happens. You often get it." ~ Unknown