Living Out Loud

The A - Z of Happiness: G is for . . .

Letting go of Guilt

 

I used to say to clients that guilt was a wasted emotion.  But I've since come to realise that it's worse than that.  Guilt is in fact a destructive emotion, as it drains your energy, and fosters feelings of shame.  And shame depletes self-esteem.

 

So, if you catch yourself in the act of feeling guilty, you need to learn to let it go.  I already talked about this somewhat in F is for . . .  (forgiving yourself and others). 

 

"It is probable that guilt is merely disguised fear of retribution, either divine or by the person wronged, which is why you punish yourself with shame and flagellation.  It's a way, thinks your unconscious mind, to make amends so you don't get punished." ~ Barefoot Doctor

 

I don't know about you, but when I examined my feelings of guilt in the past, I realised that the above is true.  I believe in karma, and while I do feel genuine remorse for my (perceived) acts of wrongdoing, fear of them coming back to bite me is never far away either.  But actually, focussing attention on your (perceived) shameful deeds is giving them energy, and increasing the likelihood of your perpetuating actions that give rise to more guilt, or indeed attracting your (perceived) deserved retribution.

 

It's not too promising for your personal growth really.

 

Now I try not to indulge in feelings of guilt.  They don't contribute to the wellbeing of the person towards whom I'm feeling guilty, and they certainly don't contribute to my wellbeing.  Instead, I treat myself with compassion.  I acknowledge the action I took that I wish I'd done differently, identify how I might rectify the situation, and resolve to do better in future.  Then I let go, and move on.

 

That's a choice you can make too.  Of course, you can choose the guilt, shame and self-flagellation.  But it won't do you or anyone else any good whatsoever. 

 

Why not try a different approach instead and see how that serves you?

 

Giving what you want to receive

 

“The game of life is a game of boomerangs. Our thoughts, deeds and words return to us sooner or later with astounding accuracy."  ~  Florence Scovell Shinn

 

The experiences you have in your life are always reflecting your thoughts and feelings - the energy you are emitting. 

 

So if there is something you want to receive more of in your life, try giving more of that to those around you. Give love, money, attention, support and you will receive love, money, attention and support – just so long as you give it from a place of genuine love and caring for others. This is absolutely key.

 

Give what you want to receive, but don't give in order to receive.

 

If you give in order to receive, you will negate the receiving effect. This is because your underlying intention is based in a feeling of lack - that is the energy you’re emitting and therefore you will continue to attract that lack.

 

But when you focus on genuinely seeking to help and serve others, you will discover, in many surprising ways, that you are receiving much of the same - and often much, much more - back into your own life.

 

And another added bonus: when you give what you want to receive, you're less likely to act in ways that lead to guilt ;-)

 

 

Goals  -  but treat them lightly!

Do unto yourself as you would do unto others

A Thought for the Week

"The way you treat yourself sets the standard for others." ~ Sonya Friedman

"If we spoke to others the way we often speak to ourselves, we'd have no friends!" ~ Duncan Coppock

"You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection". ~ Buddha

Be True to Yourself

A Thought for the Week

"This above all: to thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man." ~ William Shakespeare

"Integrity is not a conditional word. It doesn't blow in the wind or change with the weather. It is your inner image of yourself, and if you look in there and see a man who won't cheat, then you know he never will." ~ John McDonald 

 

"Never follow somebody else's path; it doesn't work the same way twice for anyone...the path follows you and rolls up behind you as you walk, forcing the next person to find their own way." ~ J. Michael Straczynski

 

"Unless your heart, your soul, and your whole being are behind every decision you make, the words from your mouth will be empty, and each action will be meaningless. Truth and confidence are the roots of happiness." ~ Unknown

Do things differently

A Thought for the Week

"If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got." ~ Unknown

"Change is the essence of life. Be willing to surrender what you are for what you could become." ~ Unknown 

"It is never too late to be what you might have been." ~ George Eliot

Allowing others the freedom to grow

We're all pretty protective of our right to lead our own lives, make our own mistakes, learn our own lessons.  But how good are you at allowing others the freedom to do the same?

In my life right now, I'm struggling with that.  A central character in my life is proposing to sell her house and move to Egypt with her three year old daughter. 

And my ego (along with those of all her family) is strongly resisting it.  And while I admit that some of that comes from my selfish desire for her to remain in Ireland where I can see her regularly, it's mostly worry and fear for her wellbeing, and the wellbeing of her young child.

Oh, my ego could provide you with a very long list of all the reasons why this plan is misguided and doomed to failure.  And your ego would be nodding along in agreement - of that I have absolutely no doubt!

Whenever I allow myself to dwell on the matter for more than a couple of minutes, and especially when I begin explaining to others all the reasons why she should not do this, I get very upset.  Thank God for meditation though, because it is helping me to loosen the grip of fear and glimpse a possible higher purpose in all of this. 

When I allow my Higher Self to get a word in, I acknowledge that I cannot see the big picture of this person's life, and what I think I know to be the certain outcome of this "drastic" move may not in fact turn out to be the case.  I also remember that this three year old girl is more than a child under the control of her mother's decision.  She is also a wise soul who chose this other soul to be her mother in this lifetime.  And both of these souls also chose to learn particular lessons - and just maybe this move to Egypt is a necessary part of both their journeys.

I do know that.  But my ego doesn't like it, not one little bit.  But slowly, my ego and Higher Self are reaching a compromise.  I'm hoping that this plan is not destined to manifest, that it is not for the highest good of all, and will in the end come to nothing.  (In a nutshell, I'm hoping she will see "sense")

But at the same time, I'm trying to accept that maybe it is for the highest good (no matter what I, or anyone else thinks about it).  And if it does come about I hope I will look back on it and be glad that it happened despite my current feelings on the subject.  I'm remembering most growth comes from the difficult situations rather than the easy ones.  And if we're not growing then there's not much point in our being here.

I'm working with this affirmation by Florence Scovell Shinn:

"I do not resist this situation.  I put it in the hands of Infinite Love and Wisdom and let the Divine idea come to pass."

It's from The Game of Life and How to Play it (a gem of a book), and it's helping me to loosen the fearful grip of my ego, and allow my Higher Self to deliver some peace of mind. 

What about you?  How do you cope when you find yourself in similar situations?

The A - Z of Happiness: E is for . . .

Energy

At the end of the day, it's all about energy.  You and I, and everything else that exists in the physical universe may appear to have solid form.  But it's all an illusion.  We are all masses of energy vibrating at different frequencies.

Moods, feelings, emotions, states of being are all energy forms as well.  And the energy of happiness is a high vibration, while the energy of sadness, despair and depression are low vibrations.  So, in order to be happy we need to raise our energetic vibration and keep it in a high place. 

Essentially, everything being discussed in this series is a tool to help you do just that.  But if I were to pick out one single action that will exponentially increase your energetic vibration, it's meditation.  That will, of course, be dealt with in more detail in M is for . . . - but  we are kind of a long way from there yet, so in the meantime why not check out my series on the benefits of meditation.

When we meditate, we raise our energetic vibration.  When we practice meditation on a daily basis, we incrementally increase our vibration so that over time we find ourselves to be in a happier place within, no matter what is going on without. 

As with anything, the only way to know this for sure is to give it a go yourself (the final post in the series mentioned above talks about getting started).

Ease and Effortlessness

One of the secrets to being happy is to stop struggling with life.  To allow things to unfold as they will.  That is not to say you can't want certain things - of course you can.  But you don't always have to bust a gut to achieve those things (and of course you can still be happy even if you don't achieve them - see D is for... Detach from your Desires)

A better way is to set the intention for what you want, be open to all sorts of ways of that coming about, and then take inspired action.

There's a difference between inspired action and hard work.  And it has nothing to do with laziness.  In fact, somebody who's taking inspired action to achieve their goals could be working quite had indeed.  But, if it's inspired, and coming from the power of intention, it usually doesn't feel like hard work.  There's pleasure in the process.

Hard work, by my definition, is work for the sake of the end goal.  It's when enjoying the journey doesn't figure much, becuase the destination is the real focus.  I know it's important to have a destination in mind - otherwise we could wander around aimlessly for years.  But we don't know how long we're here for, we're not guaranteed to arrive at our destination, therefore to experience joy along the way we need to focus more on the journey. 

Besides, as Lance recently discussed in Detours on the Path of Life, we're all going to encounter detours along the way.  If we're too focused on the end game, we get upset, frustrated, anxious about those detours - states that detract from our happiness.  And besides that, sometimes they lead to a new - and even better - destination than where we were originally headed.

Least Effort is one of Deepak Chopra's Seven Spiritual Laws of Success:

"Least effort is expended when your actions are motivated by love, because nature is held together by the energy of love... when your actions are motivated by love, there is no waste of energy.  When your actions are motivated by love, your energy multiplies and accumulates."

According to Chopra, miracles are the expression of this law, and he recommends the following practices to apply it:

• Acceptance.  Accept things (people, situations, circumstances, events) as they are in this moment, rather than focussing on how you wish they were.

• Responsibility.  This is actually not about blaming yourself (or anyone else), but about focusing on your ability to choose your response.  It's about recognising that every "problem" in your life presents you with an opportunity for growth.  It's about choosing to remain alert to those opportunities and transforming the situation into something of greater benefit, for yourself and for others.

• Defenselessness.  Let go of your desire to be right, to be viewed by others as being right, or smart, or wise.  Be open to other points of view, be open to changing your mind, and be unconcerned about how others perceive your thinking.

Least effort is the path of non-resistance.  And resistance is a seed for unhappiness.  Let it go.  Allow life to unfold as it will, and roll with it.  Even if you don't like what's happening in the moment, your overall wellbeing will be enhanced by the lack of struggle.

Image part of Red Silk Alphabet series by geishaboy500

Meditation: the benefits to the subtle body

As discussed in the first post in this series, the Subtle Body is composed of the mind, the intellect and the ego and all three aspects are tightly interwoven.

The mind is the domain of our thoughts, desires and emotions.  The intellect is the aspect of ourselves that analyses all information that passes through the mind.  And how this information is interpreted is influenced by the outlook of the ego - the image we hold of ourselves and what we project into the world.

Negative thoughts and feelings - or mental and emotional dis-ease - comes about when our ego is rooted in fear.  However, it is quite normal for the ego to be fear-centred because it is our self-image, and not our true self (that is our spirit, to be discussed more in the next post in the series). 

The ego has forgotten who we truly are, and is living under an illusion that each of us is separate from all else in existence (while the truth is that everything is connected).  This illusion of separation gives rise to fear.  The ego worries about how others perceive us, and works hard to present an image to the world that it believes will be loved and accepted.

The ego also tends to have fixed ideas about what it needs in order to be happy, and becomes attached to the idea that life has to work in a particular way in order for it to be good.  This attachment generates more fear - either that things won't work out as desired, or that it will lose what it has already achieved and wants to hold onto.

In order to let go of the energy of fear, to feel at peace, release anxiety, and love and accept ourselves and others exactly as we are, we need to integrate the energy of love into our daily lives.  And this is where meditation can help us release mental and emotional distress.

During meditation, as the mind becomes ever quieter, we move in and out of a place called The Gap.  This is the space between our thoughts.  It can be a teeny tiny space - especially when our minds are frantically busy - but it does exist.  The thoughts in our mind are like the frames on a film strip - while we perceive a seamlessly fluid movie, it is actually the composition of a series of stills.

The Gap is a field of pure stillness, and we are never aware of being in it (though you may - or may not - have an inkling immediately afterwards that you were there).  We weave in and out of the gap throughout the meditation process, and in doing so we bring some of the qualities of that stillness back with us into our everday life. 

The effect is become less reactive to situtations that previously would have worried or upset us.  When practiced regularly, we come to realise that we have a calmer, more peaceful way of being in the world.  We find this new way of being helps us to better deal with any crisis that crops up - cos they still will.  Meditation doesn't eliminate difficult situations from your life, but it does enable you to experience them differently. 

You'll find you don't struggle with situations as much.  You may resist them initially (oh yeah, I still don't like to see trouble or strife coming my way), but with a regular meditation practice acceptance of the situation comes more quickly.  And with acceptance comes peace and a greater ability to cope with whatever obstacle needs to be overcome.

You may read alot about the possibility of being happy in the moment no matter what crap may be going on in your life.  You may even accept that possibility in theory.  But if you have yet to experience it for yourself, then I recommend giving meditation a go. 

Don't expect to instantly be cured of all fears, anxieties and frustrations - you wouldn't expect a flat tummy from your first session of sit-ups, would you?  Meditation is like exercise - you need to do it regularly to see and maintain the results.  But once you find the right technique for you, making it a daily practice will be a joy in itself - and the physical, mental and emotional benefits will be an added bonus :-)

Not to mention the spiritual gains - to be discussed soon....

Previous posts in this series:

Could meditation be the solution to everything?

Meditation: the benefits to the physical body

Next post:

Mediation: the spiritual benefits

The Reiki way to living in the now

Just for today, I will not anger

Just for today, I will not worry

Just for today, I will be grateful

Just for today, I will work with integrity

Just for today, I will be kind to others

How powerfully simple, and simply powerful are those statements?

These are the Reiki principles, and the "just for today . . " element is crucial.  No need to make a lifelong commitment.  Just make a commitment for right here, right now.  That's all we really have anyway!  And the beauty of it is, that in making that simple, short-term, commitment everyday, you could actually be making a life-changing commitment to yourself over and over - but without any pressure.

You could so easily apply this principle to any new behaviour you want to adopt.

Just for today - I will speak my truth without worrying about the judgement of others

Just for today - I will make healthy food choices

Just for today - I will meditate for fifteen minutes

And on and on it goes.  The possibilities are endless.  When you choose to do something that serves you well just for this one day, and you notice the benefits afterwards, there is an increased likelihood that you will choose to do it again tomorrow. 

And choosing to do something right now is very different to deciding to do something now and forever.  In deciding to adopt a new behaviour for evermore, you remove the element of choice in the future, and turn it into a "should".  That then leads (at least in my case) to resistance.  But I think that adopting the Reiki way will lead to far greater success in developing new habits.

Just for today, I choose behaviours that serve my highest good.  What do you choose?

Lighten up!

(a Thought for the Week)

"I can think of no better way of redeeming this tragic world today than love and laughter. Too many of the young have forgotten how to laugh, and too many of the elders have forgotten how to love. Would not our lives be lightened if only we could all learn to laugh more easily at ourselves and to love one another."  ~  Theodore Hesburgh

 

"You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can find humor in anything, even poverty, you can survive it." - Bill Cosby

"Enlightenment means to lighten up.  Don't take yourself too seriously."  ~  Deepak Chopra

 

Photo by Tela Chhe

I forgot about Awareness

Last week, I was on the final leg of my meditation teacher training.  And the subject of Awareness came up quite a bit, because when you meditate regularly you will naturally develop a higher sense of self-awareness.

And on the first day, as I heard the word coming up, it dawned on me: OMG, when I wrote A is for  . . . to kickstart my A-Z of Happiness series, I totally forgot to include Awareness!!!  And Awareness is the starting point!!!!!!!

How utterly remiss of me. 

When I first began writing on the subject of personal development, Awareness was my hot topic.  And here I was, leaving out the most fundamental building block of the whole process of taking responsibility for becoming a happier person.  So I thought to myself, I better put that right as soon as I get back home.

And then when I did get home, Neale Donald Walshe sent this timely reminder:

On this day of your life, Hilda, I believe God wants you to know....that awareness is not a gift that some have and others cannot attain.  Awareness is your birthright and your inheritance. You have it now.
 
It is not a question of whether you have it, but of whether you are using it.  All human beings have the gift of Awareness.  Yet not all are aware that they are Aware.  When you are aware that you are Aware, your experience of Awareness shifts to a new level.  That is why this is being sent to you today. You called this forth , out of your own inner Awareness. This is You, waking you up. 
 
Today, walk in Awareness. Do so by simply choosing to do so. Allow yourself to be aware of every person's feelings, of what fits perfectly and is 'right' in every  moment, of what is wanted and needed from you as a healer and a messenger Right Here, Right Now. Walk in this Awareness, and watch your life change today.

So, without further ado, let me rewind.  When it comes to the A-Z of Happiness, A is for . . .

Awareness; Accepting the Present as it is; Affirmations; Attention & The Law of Attraction; Attitude

Awareness is the foundation of the points that followed, and everything else that comes under every other letter.  Because without awareness, you cannot change your attitude, thoughts, beliefs or behaviours.  In order to be proactive about your own happiness, you need to consciously choose your perspective and your approach to life.  You need to be aware of your beliefs and your thought patterns before you can make the conscious decision to change them.  And often, we are completely unaware of the subconsciously held beliefs that are sabotaging our ability to create the lives we wish for.

So, if you're going to apply any of the tips that I have outlined already, or will outline as we continue from E to Z, you're definitely going to need to tap into your self-awareness. 

If you're already there, that's great!  You're off to a flying start.  But if you would like some tips on how to develop greater self-awareness try the following:

• At the end of each day, journal about how you felt during different experiences, and what thoughts did you have immediately prior to, during and after each experience.  Identify which activities you enjoyed, and what it was that you appreciated about them.  Likewise, what would you prefer to leave out of your schedule and why?

• Pay attention to your body, and its response to the food you eat, the activity you participate in and the company you keep.  Your body will always have a response of either comfort or discomfort.  Start to really notice when it's experiencing discomfort (often this can be subtle and we can miss it).  Then ask yourself how you can move towards greater comfort - this will move you towards your higher good, whether it's physcially, mentally, spiritually or emotionally.

• Identify your beliefs, values and needs.  Do your beliefs serve you well?  (Refer to B is for . . . for more on why this is important and what to do about it if your beliefs are limiting you).  Are you honoring your own personal values (click here to download an exercise to help you identify your top 5 values)?  Are you crystal clear on what your mental, physical, spiritual and emotional needs are?  To be happy you need to have all your needs met, and the first step in that process is knowing exactly what they are.  Make a list today...

• Meditate!  Meditation quietens the mind and the body, and this quietening down will help with the other exercises.  In fact, before doing the exercises to get clarity around your beliefs, values and needs, it would be a great help to meditate for a few minutes right before hand.  But quite apart from that, people who meditate regularly begin to notice after a while that they're naturally more self-aware, along with a great many other side benefits (stay tuned to future posts to learn more).

I hope those tips help.  And again, I apologise for leaving out the foundation to this whole series.  I'll try to do better in future ;-)

The series so far:

A is for . . .

B is for . . .

C is for . . .

D is for . . .