Living Out Loud

Rambling through life

A comment about rambling on Megan's post about authenticity and redefinition deeply resonated with me.  I realised "rambling" is exactly what I've been doing the last few years.  And it's been an absolute joy! 

I know it's not the modern Western way, but I don't have much of a plan for my life!  When I was a practicing life coach, I was great at setting myself clear goals - and encouraged clients and friends to do likewise!  But whenever I set myself a plan of action, I often found it turning into a mountain of "shoulds".  And "shoulds" drain my energy and create resistance, and usually I would end up abandoning the plan.  And what was worse, the abandonment was often unconscious, and brought a resulting feeling of shame with it. 

But over the last few years I've paid more attention to the fundamental intentions underlying my various goals.  And I've found the specific goals shifting and evolving at such a fast rate, that I just can't take them too seriously anymore.  And since I've stopped tying myself to various targets (and especially conventional goals) I've felt less pressure, stress and anxiety about where it is I'm going.

Instead, I find myself more and more open to allowing things to unfold, and trusting that they're all happening perfectly for me.  That's not to say that I don't still want various outcomes at different times.  I most certainly do!  But somehow I'm managing to not become too attached, or to eventually release my attachments, and allow what I want for myself to evolve. 

It's been a surprising journey to say the least.  But it's been wonderful too.  I'm really enjoying my life.  I don't have alot of the conventional securities that almost everyone I know has, or indeed much of a structure to my life. 

I do still have dreams and desires, and I am pursuing them according to what feels right in the moment, for as long as it feels right to do so.  And when a shift kicks in and it starts to feel like I need to take a detour, I take it.  Sometimes that detour still takes me towards the same destination (just in a more roundabout way), and sometimes it leads me in a whole new direction. 

So what! I've learned to stop worrying about where I'll end up.  Because there's simply no way of knowing!  Even if I had a rigid plan that I sticked to consistently, day in day out, there'd be no guarantee I'd end up in the place where I expected to be.  Our lives can change, beyond complete recognition, in a heartbeat. 

Everytime I catch myself beginning to become embroiled in the whole business of conventional expectations, I remind myself of this irrefutable truth.  And it returns me to a place of peace and restores my ability to trust that where I am is exactly where I'm meant to be.

My over-riding, non-changing desires for my life are based around states of being.  Being happy, being centred in the energy of love, being connected to others, being in abundance, being at peace.  And none of these states require achieving any specific targets.  Having-ness will result in the ways that are best aligned with and best support the states of being I create for myself. 

Some of those outcomes will resemble the people and things I consciously chose, and some of them will be complete surprises.  Some of those outcomes will come easily, and some will come after I let go of suffering of my own creation (from being too attached to how things come about). 

While I hope that for the most part I find the path easy enough, I accept there will be rough patches along the way.  I have no idea where I'm going, or how I'm going to get there.  I'm sticking with my clear intentions of how I want to 'be' in this world, but my only 'plan' (for now!) is to continue rambling my way through life. ;-)

Start as you mean to go on

A Thought for the Week

Live with intention
Walk to the edge
Listen hard
Practice wellness
Play with abandon
Laugh
Choose with no regret
Continue to learn
Appreciate your friends
Do what you love
Live as if this is All there is 

~ Mary Anne Radmacher

photo by Sir Merv

I surrendered - and look what happened!

In July of this year I decided to move to the West of Ireland.  A dream of mine for about three years, that I only this year developed the courage to follow through on.  And in August I settled on the perfect town to move to: Westport, Co. Mayo.

I then spent six weeks or so searching for the perfect house to live in.  I had many specific requirements, and needed to be reasonably picky about my new home.  But my pickiness seemed to be paying off when I found the perfect house that not only met, but exceeded all my needs.  I was delighted!

But then it all fell apart at the last minute, and I realised that I had become too attached to the dream of living in that house.  Not only that, but I reluctantly accepted that I had become too attached to the dream of living in Westport.  I realised I needed to detach.

Oh I didn't want to let go!  But I knew I needed to.  So I set the intention to surrender and spent a day and a half singing the song "I surrender all" to myself, over and over.

By the end of that week, everything had turned around and I found myself back on the road to Westport to view another house.  Not quite as "perfect" as the previous one, but which actually turned out to be more perfect for me and where I'm at right now than the more aesthetically pleasing one that had slipped through my hands.

And now, here I am!  Living in Westport.  And I like my little house.  Space-wise and aesthetics-wise it's not quite my dream home.  But it really is good enough, and comfortable enough, and meets all my needs.  And I'm happy in it.

Wherever I live, I make it home.  It's all about the energy you bring to the place.  And those who have visited me so far seem to like the energy : )

The same applies to creating any experience in my life - it's all about the energy I bring to it.  Desperate clinging equals resistance, and keeps what I want out of my reach.  But surrendering my desire, being willing to give up what I really, really want and accept what is delivered to me instead, never fails to bring me exactly what I wanted - although it often looks completely different to how I had originally imagined!

Surrendering is about handing over to Spirit.  Accepting that you can't see the bigger picture, and that goal you're struggling to achieve may not be for your highest good.  Eventhough your ego really wants it, surrendering means being willing to do without it, and trusting that if it's really meant for you, it will come at the right time.  Maybe now just isn't the right time.  And maybe something else - something possibly even better - is what's meant for you.

The sad thing is, that eventhough I know this, I don't easily surrender my desires.  Surrender and detachment are a constant challenge for me.  But I resolve to keep working on it.  It may take me the rest of my life to master it, but I know it's for my highest good, so I'm not going to give up on giving up ;-)

The A - Z of Happiness: G is for . . .

Letting go of Guilt

 

I used to say to clients that guilt was a wasted emotion.  But I've since come to realise that it's worse than that.  Guilt is in fact a destructive emotion, as it drains your energy, and fosters feelings of shame.  And shame depletes self-esteem.

 

So, if you catch yourself in the act of feeling guilty, you need to learn to let it go.  I already talked about this somewhat in F is for . . .  (forgiving yourself and others). 

 

"It is probable that guilt is merely disguised fear of retribution, either divine or by the person wronged, which is why you punish yourself with shame and flagellation.  It's a way, thinks your unconscious mind, to make amends so you don't get punished." ~ Barefoot Doctor

 

I don't know about you, but when I examined my feelings of guilt in the past, I realised that the above is true.  I believe in karma, and while I do feel genuine remorse for my (perceived) acts of wrongdoing, fear of them coming back to bite me is never far away either.  But actually, focussing attention on your (perceived) shameful deeds is giving them energy, and increasing the likelihood of your perpetuating actions that give rise to more guilt, or indeed attracting your (perceived) deserved retribution.

 

It's not too promising for your personal growth really.

 

Now I try not to indulge in feelings of guilt.  They don't contribute to the wellbeing of the person towards whom I'm feeling guilty, and they certainly don't contribute to my wellbeing.  Instead, I treat myself with compassion.  I acknowledge the action I took that I wish I'd done differently, identify how I might rectify the situation, and resolve to do better in future.  Then I let go, and move on.

 

That's a choice you can make too.  Of course, you can choose the guilt, shame and self-flagellation.  But it won't do you or anyone else any good whatsoever. 

 

Why not try a different approach instead and see how that serves you?

 

Giving what you want to receive

 

“The game of life is a game of boomerangs. Our thoughts, deeds and words return to us sooner or later with astounding accuracy."  ~  Florence Scovell Shinn

 

The experiences you have in your life are always reflecting your thoughts and feelings - the energy you are emitting. 

 

So if there is something you want to receive more of in your life, try giving more of that to those around you. Give love, money, attention, support and you will receive love, money, attention and support – just so long as you give it from a place of genuine love and caring for others. This is absolutely key.

 

Give what you want to receive, but don't give in order to receive.

 

If you give in order to receive, you will negate the receiving effect. This is because your underlying intention is based in a feeling of lack - that is the energy you’re emitting and therefore you will continue to attract that lack.

 

But when you focus on genuinely seeking to help and serve others, you will discover, in many surprising ways, that you are receiving much of the same - and often much, much more - back into your own life.

 

And another added bonus: when you give what you want to receive, you're less likely to act in ways that lead to guilt ;-)

 

 

Goals  -  but treat them lightly!

Self-Exposure

I came across this project the day after I'd posted "As within, so without" as my thought for the week, and in the midst of a kidney infection.  Due to a manic couple of months past, I haven't been blogging, and was promising myself I'd get back to it this week.  The topic started by Mish drew me in...

I know this is true of everyone, but I HATE being sick.  Apart from a cough/cold each winter I'm rarely sick.  And when something else comes along it really pisses me off.  I don't feel like I deserve it because for the most part I look after my health.

But reading other blogger's 'Exposed' posts about why they love their bodies has helped me shift back to an attitude of gratitude for my own body.  I'm appreciating that it always serves me well.  Always!  Even if I'm feeling like it's letting me down, that isn't the case.

I do believe that every illness of the body has a metaphysical cause, and according to Louise Hay kidney problems can be caused by refusing to grow up.

Now two weeks ago I turned 40.  And I didn't have a problem with it, really.  I embraced it and celebrated it.  Or at least that's what I thought I was doing!! 

But I also joked with everyone that I wasn't really 40, I was going along with it for the craic (that's Irish for fun), but that somebody had made a big mistake.  Definitely a bit of a conflict going on...

And so my body, that is usually healthy, is actually serving me well by manifesting a kidney infection.  It has drawn my awareness to an inner conflict I need to resolve.

Divine right action is always taking place in my life.  Only good comes from each experience.  It is safe to grow up. ~ Louise Hay affirmation for my condition (in case you share it!)

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I wrote the above a week ago.  I was pretty much inspired to do it after reading Lance's post.  But it's taken me a week to get the courage to finish it, because to post I had to include the pic.

Eventhough I admired others the courage to post their semi-naked pics, when it came to doing the same myself, it felt a little indecent.  Why is it that I could admire an action in others and criticise myself for contemplating the same?  I detect a little double-standards in my consciosness...

And so, I'm taking a deep breath and posting.  I still feel very uncomfortable doing so, but I also know that the discomfort comes from the need for approval, or to be more accurate in this case, the fear of disapproval.  But I've let fear hold me back so often in my life, and these days I do my best not to let that happen anymore.  I make a big effort to feel the fear and do it anyway. 

So I've joined the ranks.  Here is my body, exposed, as it looks today.

  
 

Right now, I'm ok with how it looks.  But the problem is, I tend to appreciate it more when it looks what I consider to be good, and not so much when I feel like I need to lose a few pounds or tone up. 

And that's not good enough really.  My body deserves my respect and appreciation at all times.  Because at all times it is working for me.  Everything I experience in life is made possible by my perfect body.  And therefore it is always worthy of my unconditional love, be it sick or healthy, thin or not-so-thin.

I'm grateful for that reminder.  I'm also grateful that I'm nearly over my kidney infection ;-) 

And even if I have some more work to do before I'm fully in the 'loving it' space, I'm definitely feeling ALOT more appreciation for my body!

What about you?  What do you appreciate about your body?

All coincidence is meaningful!

A Thought for the Week

photo by celebdu

"In mathematics, two angles that are said to coincide fit together perfectly. The word coincidence does not describe luck or mistakes. It describes that which fits together perfectly." ~ Wayne Dyer   "Life is not merely a series of meaningless accidents or coincidences, but rather, it's a tapestry of events that culminate in an exquisite sublime plan." ~ Unknown   "I do not believe in meaningless coincidences.  I believe every coincidence is a message, a clue about a particular facet of our lives that requires our attention." ~ Deepak Chopra

Allowing others the freedom to grow

We're all pretty protective of our right to lead our own lives, make our own mistakes, learn our own lessons.  But how good are you at allowing others the freedom to do the same?

In my life right now, I'm struggling with that.  A central character in my life is proposing to sell her house and move to Egypt with her three year old daughter. 

And my ego (along with those of all her family) is strongly resisting it.  And while I admit that some of that comes from my selfish desire for her to remain in Ireland where I can see her regularly, it's mostly worry and fear for her wellbeing, and the wellbeing of her young child.

Oh, my ego could provide you with a very long list of all the reasons why this plan is misguided and doomed to failure.  And your ego would be nodding along in agreement - of that I have absolutely no doubt!

Whenever I allow myself to dwell on the matter for more than a couple of minutes, and especially when I begin explaining to others all the reasons why she should not do this, I get very upset.  Thank God for meditation though, because it is helping me to loosen the grip of fear and glimpse a possible higher purpose in all of this. 

When I allow my Higher Self to get a word in, I acknowledge that I cannot see the big picture of this person's life, and what I think I know to be the certain outcome of this "drastic" move may not in fact turn out to be the case.  I also remember that this three year old girl is more than a child under the control of her mother's decision.  She is also a wise soul who chose this other soul to be her mother in this lifetime.  And both of these souls also chose to learn particular lessons - and just maybe this move to Egypt is a necessary part of both their journeys.

I do know that.  But my ego doesn't like it, not one little bit.  But slowly, my ego and Higher Self are reaching a compromise.  I'm hoping that this plan is not destined to manifest, that it is not for the highest good of all, and will in the end come to nothing.  (In a nutshell, I'm hoping she will see "sense")

But at the same time, I'm trying to accept that maybe it is for the highest good (no matter what I, or anyone else thinks about it).  And if it does come about I hope I will look back on it and be glad that it happened despite my current feelings on the subject.  I'm remembering most growth comes from the difficult situations rather than the easy ones.  And if we're not growing then there's not much point in our being here.

I'm working with this affirmation by Florence Scovell Shinn:

"I do not resist this situation.  I put it in the hands of Infinite Love and Wisdom and let the Divine idea come to pass."

It's from The Game of Life and How to Play it (a gem of a book), and it's helping me to loosen the fearful grip of my ego, and allow my Higher Self to deliver some peace of mind. 

What about you?  How do you cope when you find yourself in similar situations?

Could meditation be the solution to everything?

Seeing as I have recently begun to teach meditation, I thought it was high time that I wrote in more detail about the benefits I frequently allude to in other posts.

 

Originally, I was going to post the title Meditation: the solution to everything!  But then I figured that’s a really strong statement, and it might alienate some readers.  So I rephrased it as a question.  However, I happen to believe that meditation is the solution to everything that can be perceived as a problem.

 

I hope to outline enough reasons to at least persuade you of this potential, if not convince you of this truth!  However, if I were to attempt to do this in the detail I want in one go, it would turn into a mammoth post.  So, I've decided to do it as a series of shorter posts. 

 

This first one though is not so short.  I'll discuss what meditation is and give a general overview of the benefits to be gained from a regular practice.  In follow up posts I will look at the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual benefits in more detail.

 

In the last post I will outline how to get started with a meditation practice and give recommendations on how to integrate it into your daily life.

 

So, lets get started . . .

 

What is meditation?

 

Meditation is a process whereby we quieten the mind, which is normally very busily engaged with thoughts about the future or memories (more thoughts) of the past. 

Through quieting the mind, we enable ourselves to rest more easily in the present moment, which is the only place that actually exists in physical reality.  When we are busy thinking of the past or future, we are not fully grounded in the “real” * world.  We have at least one foot in a world that either exists no longer, or doesn’t exist yet - and may never come to exist at all.

 

(* all of reality is perception and is uniquely different for each one of us – but that’s for another post)

 

Meditation is meant to be easy and comfortable to practice - not a test of mental or physical endurance. 

Although we quieten the mind during meditation, the mind is not always quiet during the process!  It is perfectly normal to experience many thoughts during meditation.  If you don't achieve a completely still mind, don't dismiss your meditation as not being effective.  Eventhough it might feel like your mind is continually active, you do still quieten it down throughout the process.

During meditation, using whatever your point of focus is (that differs according to whatever meditation technique you practice), you continually interrupt your busy stream of thoughts and in doing so take your mind to quieter and quieter levels.  Over time, though you may still experience thoughts, the thoughts become quieter themselves, more abstract, less compelling to the thinking mind.

Many people, when they begin meditating, think they need to banish all thoughts from their mind.  This puts the mind under a great deal of pressure, and can also lead to tortuous mental boredom throughout the process.  When you let go of that pressure, and accept that whatever crops up in your thoughts is just fine – as long as you remember to just let them go rather than engage with them – then meditation turns into a relaxing and peaceful time that you will enjoy.

 

Physically, meditation is also meant to be comfortable.  The traditional image of a meditation posture is something like this:

 

 

In fact, this is not at all required.  It is absolutely fine to sit in a lotus position – if you can do so comfortably.  If it would be uncomfortable for you (as it is for me), then sit upright in a comfortable chair.  If the body is uncomfortable the mind will be engaged with this thought, making it difficult to settle and quieten down. 

 

Comfort is key – then you can forget about your physical body and relax your mind.

 

Why bother meditating?

 

Meditation originated in eastern cultures as a spiritual practice.  It enables you to connect with your soul, and to integrate the qualities of your soul into your daily life.

 

In the west, however, it has grown in popularity due to the recognition of its immense power to manage stress and reverse the ill-effects of stress on both the mind and body.

 

The benefits of meditating regularly cannot be overstated.  The practice will positively affect you on every level: physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually.  Not only that, but we postively affect those around us too.

 

Layers of Life

 

 

 

 

Above is a diagram of the model of the human form that was developed by Adi Shankara, one of the great Vedic sages and philosophers of India.  He identified three dimensions to the human body: physical, subtle and causal.

 

The physical body is not limited to the personal body we recognise and identify with, but also includes the unseen energy body - the prana or chi that provides us with vital life force - and also the extended body, otherwise known as our environment.

 

When we meditate we raise the vibration of our energy, which improves the health and well-being of the physical body and impacts the energy field around us, thereby affecting the energy of others we come in contact with. 

 

The subtle body also has three aspects: the mind (thoughts, desires and emotions), the intellect (the part which is always analysing and interpreting information), and the ego (self-image).  By quieting the mind during meditation we reduce mental and emotional turbulence and increase our sense of inner peace.

 

The causal body refers to our consiousness, and again there are three levels involved: the personal soul, the collective soul and universal soul.  As well as being connected to universal consiousness, each of our souls is connected to a group of other personal souls, and the story of the collective influences each of our pesonal life stories. 

 

Through regular meditation we become more attuned to our soul intentions, and make choices in life that are aligned with the highest good and not just driven by ego desires.  When our desires come from the level of the soul, the whole universe conspires to manifest them.  How wonderful is that! :-) 

 

Overall, when we meditate regularly we find purpose in our lives and experience greater peace, happiness and overall well-being. 

 

 

So, how does that translate into the solution to all problems?

 

Ok, I started with a question, and answered with an audacious claim.  To get the full picture on this you will need to read the follow up posts that go into more detail about how meditation can benefit every aspect of our lives. 

 

Although the posts on the physical and subtle benefits will address more practical issues, the post that addresses the spiritual benefits will deal with the big picture, and hopefully will tie it all together.  That is the post where I hope you will be persuaded that mediation can be the solution to everything ;-)

 

 

Follow-up posts:

 

Meditation: the benefits to the physical body

 

Meditation: the benefits to the subtle body

 

Meditation: the spirtual benefits

 

Meditation: getting started with your practice

The Reiki way to living in the now

Just for today, I will not anger

Just for today, I will not worry

Just for today, I will be grateful

Just for today, I will work with integrity

Just for today, I will be kind to others

How powerfully simple, and simply powerful are those statements?

These are the Reiki principles, and the "just for today . . " element is crucial.  No need to make a lifelong commitment.  Just make a commitment for right here, right now.  That's all we really have anyway!  And the beauty of it is, that in making that simple, short-term, commitment everyday, you could actually be making a life-changing commitment to yourself over and over - but without any pressure.

You could so easily apply this principle to any new behaviour you want to adopt.

Just for today - I will speak my truth without worrying about the judgement of others

Just for today - I will make healthy food choices

Just for today - I will meditate for fifteen minutes

And on and on it goes.  The possibilities are endless.  When you choose to do something that serves you well just for this one day, and you notice the benefits afterwards, there is an increased likelihood that you will choose to do it again tomorrow. 

And choosing to do something right now is very different to deciding to do something now and forever.  In deciding to adopt a new behaviour for evermore, you remove the element of choice in the future, and turn it into a "should".  That then leads (at least in my case) to resistance.  But I think that adopting the Reiki way will lead to far greater success in developing new habits.

Just for today, I choose behaviours that serve my highest good.  What do you choose?

I forgot about Awareness

Last week, I was on the final leg of my meditation teacher training.  And the subject of Awareness came up quite a bit, because when you meditate regularly you will naturally develop a higher sense of self-awareness.

And on the first day, as I heard the word coming up, it dawned on me: OMG, when I wrote A is for  . . . to kickstart my A-Z of Happiness series, I totally forgot to include Awareness!!!  And Awareness is the starting point!!!!!!!

How utterly remiss of me. 

When I first began writing on the subject of personal development, Awareness was my hot topic.  And here I was, leaving out the most fundamental building block of the whole process of taking responsibility for becoming a happier person.  So I thought to myself, I better put that right as soon as I get back home.

And then when I did get home, Neale Donald Walshe sent this timely reminder:

On this day of your life, Hilda, I believe God wants you to know....that awareness is not a gift that some have and others cannot attain.  Awareness is your birthright and your inheritance. You have it now.
 
It is not a question of whether you have it, but of whether you are using it.  All human beings have the gift of Awareness.  Yet not all are aware that they are Aware.  When you are aware that you are Aware, your experience of Awareness shifts to a new level.  That is why this is being sent to you today. You called this forth , out of your own inner Awareness. This is You, waking you up. 
 
Today, walk in Awareness. Do so by simply choosing to do so. Allow yourself to be aware of every person's feelings, of what fits perfectly and is 'right' in every  moment, of what is wanted and needed from you as a healer and a messenger Right Here, Right Now. Walk in this Awareness, and watch your life change today.

So, without further ado, let me rewind.  When it comes to the A-Z of Happiness, A is for . . .

Awareness; Accepting the Present as it is; Affirmations; Attention & The Law of Attraction; Attitude

Awareness is the foundation of the points that followed, and everything else that comes under every other letter.  Because without awareness, you cannot change your attitude, thoughts, beliefs or behaviours.  In order to be proactive about your own happiness, you need to consciously choose your perspective and your approach to life.  You need to be aware of your beliefs and your thought patterns before you can make the conscious decision to change them.  And often, we are completely unaware of the subconsciously held beliefs that are sabotaging our ability to create the lives we wish for.

So, if you're going to apply any of the tips that I have outlined already, or will outline as we continue from E to Z, you're definitely going to need to tap into your self-awareness. 

If you're already there, that's great!  You're off to a flying start.  But if you would like some tips on how to develop greater self-awareness try the following:

• At the end of each day, journal about how you felt during different experiences, and what thoughts did you have immediately prior to, during and after each experience.  Identify which activities you enjoyed, and what it was that you appreciated about them.  Likewise, what would you prefer to leave out of your schedule and why?

• Pay attention to your body, and its response to the food you eat, the activity you participate in and the company you keep.  Your body will always have a response of either comfort or discomfort.  Start to really notice when it's experiencing discomfort (often this can be subtle and we can miss it).  Then ask yourself how you can move towards greater comfort - this will move you towards your higher good, whether it's physcially, mentally, spiritually or emotionally.

• Identify your beliefs, values and needs.  Do your beliefs serve you well?  (Refer to B is for . . . for more on why this is important and what to do about it if your beliefs are limiting you).  Are you honoring your own personal values (click here to download an exercise to help you identify your top 5 values)?  Are you crystal clear on what your mental, physical, spiritual and emotional needs are?  To be happy you need to have all your needs met, and the first step in that process is knowing exactly what they are.  Make a list today...

• Meditate!  Meditation quietens the mind and the body, and this quietening down will help with the other exercises.  In fact, before doing the exercises to get clarity around your beliefs, values and needs, it would be a great help to meditate for a few minutes right before hand.  But quite apart from that, people who meditate regularly begin to notice after a while that they're naturally more self-aware, along with a great many other side benefits (stay tuned to future posts to learn more).

I hope those tips help.  And again, I apologise for leaving out the foundation to this whole series.  I'll try to do better in future ;-)

The series so far:

A is for . . .

B is for . . .

C is for . . .

D is for . . .