Living Out Loud

I surrendered - and look what happened!

In July of this year I decided to move to the West of Ireland.  A dream of mine for about three years, that I only this year developed the courage to follow through on.  And in August I settled on the perfect town to move to: Westport, Co. Mayo.

I then spent six weeks or so searching for the perfect house to live in.  I had many specific requirements, and needed to be reasonably picky about my new home.  But my pickiness seemed to be paying off when I found the perfect house that not only met, but exceeded all my needs.  I was delighted!

But then it all fell apart at the last minute, and I realised that I had become too attached to the dream of living in that house.  Not only that, but I reluctantly accepted that I had become too attached to the dream of living in Westport.  I realised I needed to detach.

Oh I didn't want to let go!  But I knew I needed to.  So I set the intention to surrender and spent a day and a half singing the song "I surrender all" to myself, over and over.

By the end of that week, everything had turned around and I found myself back on the road to Westport to view another house.  Not quite as "perfect" as the previous one, but which actually turned out to be more perfect for me and where I'm at right now than the more aesthetically pleasing one that had slipped through my hands.

And now, here I am!  Living in Westport.  And I like my little house.  Space-wise and aesthetics-wise it's not quite my dream home.  But it really is good enough, and comfortable enough, and meets all my needs.  And I'm happy in it.

Wherever I live, I make it home.  It's all about the energy you bring to the place.  And those who have visited me so far seem to like the energy : )

The same applies to creating any experience in my life - it's all about the energy I bring to it.  Desperate clinging equals resistance, and keeps what I want out of my reach.  But surrendering my desire, being willing to give up what I really, really want and accept what is delivered to me instead, never fails to bring me exactly what I wanted - although it often looks completely different to how I had originally imagined!

Surrendering is about handing over to Spirit.  Accepting that you can't see the bigger picture, and that goal you're struggling to achieve may not be for your highest good.  Eventhough your ego really wants it, surrendering means being willing to do without it, and trusting that if it's really meant for you, it will come at the right time.  Maybe now just isn't the right time.  And maybe something else - something possibly even better - is what's meant for you.

The sad thing is, that eventhough I know this, I don't easily surrender my desires.  Surrender and detachment are a constant challenge for me.  But I resolve to keep working on it.  It may take me the rest of my life to master it, but I know it's for my highest good, so I'm not going to give up on giving up ;-)

The A - Z of Happiness: G is for . . .

Letting go of Guilt

 

I used to say to clients that guilt was a wasted emotion.  But I've since come to realise that it's worse than that.  Guilt is in fact a destructive emotion, as it drains your energy, and fosters feelings of shame.  And shame depletes self-esteem.

 

So, if you catch yourself in the act of feeling guilty, you need to learn to let it go.  I already talked about this somewhat in F is for . . .  (forgiving yourself and others). 

 

"It is probable that guilt is merely disguised fear of retribution, either divine or by the person wronged, which is why you punish yourself with shame and flagellation.  It's a way, thinks your unconscious mind, to make amends so you don't get punished." ~ Barefoot Doctor

 

I don't know about you, but when I examined my feelings of guilt in the past, I realised that the above is true.  I believe in karma, and while I do feel genuine remorse for my (perceived) acts of wrongdoing, fear of them coming back to bite me is never far away either.  But actually, focussing attention on your (perceived) shameful deeds is giving them energy, and increasing the likelihood of your perpetuating actions that give rise to more guilt, or indeed attracting your (perceived) deserved retribution.

 

It's not too promising for your personal growth really.

 

Now I try not to indulge in feelings of guilt.  They don't contribute to the wellbeing of the person towards whom I'm feeling guilty, and they certainly don't contribute to my wellbeing.  Instead, I treat myself with compassion.  I acknowledge the action I took that I wish I'd done differently, identify how I might rectify the situation, and resolve to do better in future.  Then I let go, and move on.

 

That's a choice you can make too.  Of course, you can choose the guilt, shame and self-flagellation.  But it won't do you or anyone else any good whatsoever. 

 

Why not try a different approach instead and see how that serves you?

 

Giving what you want to receive

 

“The game of life is a game of boomerangs. Our thoughts, deeds and words return to us sooner or later with astounding accuracy."  ~  Florence Scovell Shinn

 

The experiences you have in your life are always reflecting your thoughts and feelings - the energy you are emitting. 

 

So if there is something you want to receive more of in your life, try giving more of that to those around you. Give love, money, attention, support and you will receive love, money, attention and support – just so long as you give it from a place of genuine love and caring for others. This is absolutely key.

 

Give what you want to receive, but don't give in order to receive.

 

If you give in order to receive, you will negate the receiving effect. This is because your underlying intention is based in a feeling of lack - that is the energy you’re emitting and therefore you will continue to attract that lack.

 

But when you focus on genuinely seeking to help and serve others, you will discover, in many surprising ways, that you are receiving much of the same - and often much, much more - back into your own life.

 

And another added bonus: when you give what you want to receive, you're less likely to act in ways that lead to guilt ;-)

 

 

Goals  -  but treat them lightly!

Give what you want to receive

A Thought for the Week

"You make a living by what you get. You make a life by what you give." ~ Winston Churchill 

"If you want joy, give joy to others; if you want love, learn to give love; if you want attention and appreciation, learn to give attention and appreciation; if you want material afflucence, help others to become materially affluent." ~ Deepak Chopra

 

"For it is in giving that we receive." ~ St Francis of Assisi

Thoughts become things . . .

A Thought for the Week

"Do not think that what your thoughts dwell on does not matter. Your thoughts are making you." ~ Bishop Steere

"All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world." ~ Buddha

"Thoughts lead on to purpose, purpose leads on to actions, actions form habits, habits decide character, and character fixes our destiny" ~ Tryon Edwards

"Thoughts become things.  Choose the good ones." ~ Mike Dooley

The A-Z of Happiness: A is for . . .

This is the start of a new series of posts, which may take a while to get through.  It is intended to be a series of tips to help improve your inner state of happiness and wellbeing.  26 posts, maybe 26 weeks, or longer...

It will be in chronological order, so we're kicking of with 

A is for...

Accepting the present as it is

Ok, maybe it’s not perfect, but it is your reality for now.  In all probability though, it will not be your reality forever.  As the immortal saying goes, “this too will pass”.

 

However, there is an important universal law to observe which simply states that which you resist persists.  It’s a derivative of the Law of Attraction which in its simplest form is about your experiences in your life reflecting the energy you put out into the world.  That energy comes from your thoughts, and most especially your feelings.

 

If your energy is focused on struggling with a situation in your life, you will continue to attract that struggle.  Resisting your present circumstances in your life usually sets up a mindset of worry about your future, and places stress on your mental, physical, emotional and spiritual well-being in the present.  It reduces the capacity of your inner resources to deal with the situation in a creative, constructive manner.  The more depleted your inner resources are the more difficult it will be for you to cope with the situation, find solutions and move beyond it.

 

When you accept that this is the reality you have to deal with for now, you free up your energy and your inner strength to move through the situation rather than getting stuck in it.  Acceptance is not the same as ignoring the circumstance.  It means acknowledging the full truth about what is going on for you right now, what the gap is between where you are and where you want to be.  From there you can identify what needs to happen in order for you to move in that direction. 

 

Resistance keeps you stuck where you are.  Acceptance empowers you to move forward. 

Affirmations

Affirmations are statements that positively declare that a circumstance or experience you wish to have is already your true reality.  When practised repeatedly, and with intent, over time affirmations can help to reprogramme your beliefs.  When we come to B is for... we'll look at beliefs in more depth, but for now let's just say that whatever you believe to be true will be true for you, and so it is important to positively affirm to yourself that you are as you wish to be and your life is as you wish it to be.

When people first start working with affirmations, they commonly feel silly and fake.  This is because they're affirming the existence of a circumstance that is not yet true for them.  The trick is to ignore these silly and fake sensations and repeat your affirmations anyway.  With patience and practice they will help to bring about a shift in your outlook, perspective and how you feel.  They will help you to relax, release your worries and develop a trust that no matter what happens all will be well.

One of my favourite affirmations when I catch myself worrying about something is borrowed from Florence Scovel Shinn:

"I do not resist this situation.  I put it in the hands of Infinite Love and Wisdom and let the Divine idea now come to pass." 

When I first started working with it, I used to have to recite it over and over before I would start to relax and let go.  Now I just have to use it once and I immediately trust that a solution will come to me at the right time.  And it always does : )

To write your own affirmations, think about how you wish to be or what you want to have or experience.  Then state it in the present tense using only positive terms.  This is important because your subconscious mind does not recognise negative statements and it will reinforce your experience of what you put your attention on whether you do so positively or negatively.

For example, affirming "I am happy and well" will draw your attention to the states of happiness and wellness, but "I am not depressed anymore" will keep your attention on the state of being depressed.  So, no shift from the unhappy state to a happier one.

To get started on affirmations it can help to borrow some great ones that are already out there.  Once you get in the habit of using them regularly you'll be easily able to create your own in an instant to suit whatever need arises.  For some ideas try these resources:

Think Positive! Blog

The Game of Life and how to play it by Florence Scovel Shinn

Your Word is your Wand by Florence Scovel Shinn

You can Heal your Life by Louise Hay

Attention & The Law of Attraction

"Our thoughts create our reality -- where we put our focus is the direction we tend to go." ~ Peter McWilliams

Or to simplify the quote above: energy flows where attention goes!  If you want to feel happier you need to put your attention on the more positive aspects of your life and less attention on the negative. 

According to the Law of Attraction, your attention is an energy that magnitises to you people, things, events and circumstances that match that energy.  So, if you put your attention on things that you love, enjoy and appreciate, you attract more of those wonderful things and even more wonderful things that you will love, enjoy and appreciate. 

And the same principle applies when you put your attention on that which you wish to have less of, or not-at-all of!

Therefore, to be happier, put your attention on the people, events, and experiences that boost your happiness.  Appreciate them (ooh - another A!)  We'll look at this again when we come to G is for Gratitude...

Attitude

"An attitude of gratitude can fend off any saditude."  ~  Karen Salmanson

Attitude is King!  It's what makes the difference between barely surviving challenging times and thriving despite them. 

If you can maintain a positive attitude when the going gets tough, you can actually be happy eventhough some (or even all) aspects of your life suck right now.  I suppose it really ties in with the first point - accepting your situation for now.  Accept it but don't let it beat you down. 

When your attitude is can-do - no matter what happens - then you don't get sucked into a negative thought spiral about the sucky circumstance.  With a can-do attitude you will have positive thoughts, and positive thoughts lead to positive feelings. 

We'll deal with this in much greater detail when we get to T is for....  But for now, the important thing to remember is that your attitude programmes the way you think about things.  And if you want to be happier you need to think happy thoughts.  Kinda simple really ;-)  Such a shame that simple doesn't always mean easy!  But luckily, practice makes things easier.

 

Those are my ideas under the "A" category for imroving your happiness. I hope you'll practice some of these tips, and if you have any others to share I'd love to hear them.

Sow what you want to reap

(a Thought for the Week)

 

"Good thought and actions can never produce bad results; bad thoughts and actions can never produce good results. This is but saying that nothing can come from corn but corn, nothing from nettles but nettles."  ~  James Allen  

 

"Sooner or later everyone sits down to a banquet of consequences."  ~  Robert Louis Stevenson 

"Every action generates a force of energy that returns to us in like kind - what we sow is what we reap.  And when we choose actions that bring happiness and success to others, the fruit of our karma is happiness and success."  ~  Deepak Chopra
                                                    

Photo by Antti

 

Be the change

January 1, 2009.

Not only a new day, but a whole new year.

Have you made your resolutions? Set your intentions? Declared yourself a Big Hairy Audacious Goal?

If not, so what! Read F**k It! by John Parkin and just get on with your life.

If yes though, you might want a plan to help you manifest that goal/intention/resolution. And I’d like to help.

Not with a template of how to set goals and break them down into baby steps with timelines attached.  No siree! 

What I’m going to suggest is that you think about the really big thing you want to achieve for yourself this year. Imagine fast forwarding to New Year’s Eve and you’re looking back on this year, and are filled with awe and gratitude for everything you’ve experienced.

Now take a good look at yourself. Who did you become over the course of 2009 that made the manifestation of your goal possible? Describe yourself, as clearly as you can, in writing.

Because this is the real key to your success.  Not what you need to do, but who you need to be.  As within, so without.  Your life experiences reflect your inner state of being.  So, if you want to experience something new, you have to align your inner self with the new circumstances you wish to attract. 

Focus on being healthy, being creative, being productive, being whatever you need to be.  When you decide to be that person, you will act like that person.  You will be inspired as to what you need to do, and you will do it with greater ease.

“Be the change you want to see in the world.”  ~  Mahatma Gandhi

 

Be, do, have.  Not any other way!

 

Here's looking forward to what 2009 has in store. . .

Give what you want to receive

(a Thought for the Week)

"For it is in giving that we receive." ~ St Francis of Assisi

"If you wish to experience peace, provide peace for another." ~ Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama

"You make a living by what you get. You make a life by what you give." ~ Winston Churchill

"You can't get unless you give. And you have to give without wanting to get." ~ Theodore H White

Are you struggling with negative thoughts?

Quite a few of my clients have recently voiced concerns over their own negative thought patterns. The universal worry is that these negative thoughts will manifest themselves as unpleasant events eventually. My clients were therefore fighting their own thought patterns and trying very hard to change their thoughts.

A thought in and of itself has very little substance. Our mind is always thinking, and if every thought manifested itself, we'd all have nervous breakdowns! Thoughts are fleeting creations - they arise, take form, and dissipate. Imagine your exhalations on a cold winter day. You can see your breath for only a little while before it evaporates. Thoughts themselves have about as much form and impact as your breath - unless we feed them with energy.

We can give a thought energy by reacting to it with emotion - thus generating more thought and more emotion. Have you ever gotten yourself all worked up over an imaginary scenario, such as losing your job or discovering a cheating spouse? We can feed a thought with our energy so that it becomes very substantial. If we hold a thought and the emotional energy for 68 seconds or more, according to Jerry and Esther Hicks, we begin manifesting accordingly.

Without emotional energy, thoughts simply arise and dissipate, just like our breath.

What happens when we react to a thought with fear? We may find ourselves in a negative thought and immediately follow up with "Oh no, I shouldn't be thinking this! I'm thinking negatively. Quick, let's think of a positive affirmation." Fear is a powerful reaction. What we resist, persists. Resistance is just another way of directing energy. If, for example, positive affirmations are a means of resisting a negative thought, then they can in fact feed energy into the very thought pattern they are meant to dispel.

It's far more effective to observe negative thoughts than to resist them. Observation allows us to step away from the thought, rather than feeding it with emotional energy. Imagine sitting next to your stream of thoughts as if it were a river flowing by. We are not pulled along by the currents in that river because we are merely standing by and watching. We're not jumping in for a swim.

When we work on creating consciously and manifesting what we want, we don't have to control our thoughts. Our mind does so much thinking that it would be impossible to do so, anyway. We simply select the thoughts to which we give emotional energy. We gift our positive thoughts with an appropriate emotional reaction. In this way, we give our chosen thought substance, so that we will attract like resonances into our lives. The rest we simply observe, knowing that they will dissipate harmlessly without consequence.

By Andrea Hess, Intuitive Consultant. Please visit Andrea's web site at

www.EmpoweredSoul.com for a free sample reading.

Stop resisting stuff

(part of the Happy Friday series)

What you resist persists.

This isn’t my opinion, it’s a spiritual law. I can tell you though that I have plenty of personal experience to back it up! If you think about it, I’m sure you’ll find you do too.

What is meant by resistance is not wanting what you currently have in your life, or focusing on the lack of what you do want. It’s the good old Law of Attraction at work again. Your thoughts, feelings and actions – the vibrations you offer out into the Universe – attracting like energy back to you – events and experiences that match your vibration.

Therefore, if there is a situation in your life that you are struggling with, either mentally, physically or emotionally, you are impeding your own ability to move through it. What you want to be rid of, you are continually attracting back to you. Or if it’s a lack of something you’re focussing on, then you’re continually attracting that lack to you.

So, what to do?

Accept the present as it is, that’s what!

“Accept the present and intend the future.” ~ Deepak Chopra

Intending the future is being clear about how you would like things to be, and trusting that they will in fact work out that way, or even better, eventhough right now it’s not looking all that likely.

Easier said than done? Definitely.

Do-able? Absolutely.

How? Well, I’m sure different people have different techniques for that, and really whatever works best for you is just fine. Personally, I always use affirmations when I become conscious that I’m resisting something. By using affirmations appropriate to the situation, I begin to change my thoughts about it and consequently change the vibration I’m putting out there.

If you want to try this technique ~

1. Write out an affirmation (or several) that resonates with you
2. Post them on your fridge, bathroom mirror, inside your front door, car dashboard – anywhere that you’ll get to see and read them several times a day.
3. Recite them as often as possible – with positive feeling

If you’re new to using affirmations, it might (scratch that, it probably will) feel a bit silly to begin with. Especially as what you’re declaring doesn’t match what you believe and feel.

Yet!

But repeated use of affirmations can have a very calming effect. AND they help you to change your beliefs, and build your sense of trust in yourself and the Universe.

Here are some of my favourites:

“It is the way it is. I accept that.” ~ Stuart Wilde

“I do not struggle against the whole universe by struggling against this moment. My acceptance is total and complete. I accept things as they are this moment, not as I wish they were.” ~ Deepak Chopra

“All is well, no matter what it looks like. It’s all happening perfectly.” ~ Susan Jeffers

“I am safe; it’s only change. I cross all bridges with joy and ease. The ‘old’ unfolds into wonderful new experiences.” ~ Louise L Hay

“I do not resist this situation. I put it in the hands of Infinite Love and Wisdom and let the divine idea now come to pass.” ~ Florence Scovell Shinn

“I am at peace. I trust it will all work out perfectly.” ~ Hilda Carroll ;-)

There are two keys to using affirmations:

1. Repetition
2. Feelings

As you’re reciting them, feel the feelings as though the future you’re intending has already manifested in the present. (yes, really!)

Ya, ya, I can hear your loud objections from here. But you can do this – all it takes is practice. And if you do practice this it will help you to accept the present as it is. And when you accept it, you will feel better about it. It think that’s what they call a virtuos circle ;-)

Well it beats a vicious circle, doesn’t it! And let me tell you, if you choose resistance over acceptance the vicious circle is where you’re more likely to get stuck.

My challenge as ever: try it for a week (with an open mind), and see how you get on!

(For a short and helpful post on how affirmations work, read this on Kirsten Harrell’s site. She has a tonne of affirmations for you to choose from too.)

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Accept the present as it is