Living Out Loud

One Word Intention for 2010: Connection

I'm really not one for new year resolutions, and have written in the past about my preference for intentions over goals - I find them more empowering.

Just before Christmas I read this post by Lance, and immediately loved the concept: a one word intention for the new year.  One word is so much easier to keep your focus on than any well-meaning list.  I also knew instinctively what my word for 2010 would be: connection.

Where and how do I hope to see "connection" manifesting in my life this year?  Quite simply, everywhere, and everyhow!

 
In 2010 I would like to create many new connections, in every aspect of my life, and deepen those that already exist.

How about you?  Have you abandoned your resolutions already?  What single focus could you direct your attention on instead that might make a bigger difference?

Start as you mean to go on

A Thought for the Week

Live with intention
Walk to the edge
Listen hard
Practice wellness
Play with abandon
Laugh
Choose with no regret
Continue to learn
Appreciate your friends
Do what you love
Live as if this is All there is 

~ Mary Anne Radmacher

photo by Sir Merv

I surrendered - and look what happened!

In July of this year I decided to move to the West of Ireland.  A dream of mine for about three years, that I only this year developed the courage to follow through on.  And in August I settled on the perfect town to move to: Westport, Co. Mayo.

I then spent six weeks or so searching for the perfect house to live in.  I had many specific requirements, and needed to be reasonably picky about my new home.  But my pickiness seemed to be paying off when I found the perfect house that not only met, but exceeded all my needs.  I was delighted!

But then it all fell apart at the last minute, and I realised that I had become too attached to the dream of living in that house.  Not only that, but I reluctantly accepted that I had become too attached to the dream of living in Westport.  I realised I needed to detach.

Oh I didn't want to let go!  But I knew I needed to.  So I set the intention to surrender and spent a day and a half singing the song "I surrender all" to myself, over and over.

By the end of that week, everything had turned around and I found myself back on the road to Westport to view another house.  Not quite as "perfect" as the previous one, but which actually turned out to be more perfect for me and where I'm at right now than the more aesthetically pleasing one that had slipped through my hands.

And now, here I am!  Living in Westport.  And I like my little house.  Space-wise and aesthetics-wise it's not quite my dream home.  But it really is good enough, and comfortable enough, and meets all my needs.  And I'm happy in it.

Wherever I live, I make it home.  It's all about the energy you bring to the place.  And those who have visited me so far seem to like the energy : )

The same applies to creating any experience in my life - it's all about the energy I bring to it.  Desperate clinging equals resistance, and keeps what I want out of my reach.  But surrendering my desire, being willing to give up what I really, really want and accept what is delivered to me instead, never fails to bring me exactly what I wanted - although it often looks completely different to how I had originally imagined!

Surrendering is about handing over to Spirit.  Accepting that you can't see the bigger picture, and that goal you're struggling to achieve may not be for your highest good.  Eventhough your ego really wants it, surrendering means being willing to do without it, and trusting that if it's really meant for you, it will come at the right time.  Maybe now just isn't the right time.  And maybe something else - something possibly even better - is what's meant for you.

The sad thing is, that eventhough I know this, I don't easily surrender my desires.  Surrender and detachment are a constant challenge for me.  But I resolve to keep working on it.  It may take me the rest of my life to master it, but I know it's for my highest good, so I'm not going to give up on giving up ;-)

The A - Z of Happiness: E is for . . .

Energy

At the end of the day, it's all about energy.  You and I, and everything else that exists in the physical universe may appear to have solid form.  But it's all an illusion.  We are all masses of energy vibrating at different frequencies.

Moods, feelings, emotions, states of being are all energy forms as well.  And the energy of happiness is a high vibration, while the energy of sadness, despair and depression are low vibrations.  So, in order to be happy we need to raise our energetic vibration and keep it in a high place. 

Essentially, everything being discussed in this series is a tool to help you do just that.  But if I were to pick out one single action that will exponentially increase your energetic vibration, it's meditation.  That will, of course, be dealt with in more detail in M is for . . . - but  we are kind of a long way from there yet, so in the meantime why not check out my series on the benefits of meditation.

When we meditate, we raise our energetic vibration.  When we practice meditation on a daily basis, we incrementally increase our vibration so that over time we find ourselves to be in a happier place within, no matter what is going on without. 

As with anything, the only way to know this for sure is to give it a go yourself (the final post in the series mentioned above talks about getting started).

Ease and Effortlessness

One of the secrets to being happy is to stop struggling with life.  To allow things to unfold as they will.  That is not to say you can't want certain things - of course you can.  But you don't always have to bust a gut to achieve those things (and of course you can still be happy even if you don't achieve them - see D is for... Detach from your Desires)

A better way is to set the intention for what you want, be open to all sorts of ways of that coming about, and then take inspired action.

There's a difference between inspired action and hard work.  And it has nothing to do with laziness.  In fact, somebody who's taking inspired action to achieve their goals could be working quite had indeed.  But, if it's inspired, and coming from the power of intention, it usually doesn't feel like hard work.  There's pleasure in the process.

Hard work, by my definition, is work for the sake of the end goal.  It's when enjoying the journey doesn't figure much, becuase the destination is the real focus.  I know it's important to have a destination in mind - otherwise we could wander around aimlessly for years.  But we don't know how long we're here for, we're not guaranteed to arrive at our destination, therefore to experience joy along the way we need to focus more on the journey. 

Besides, as Lance recently discussed in Detours on the Path of Life, we're all going to encounter detours along the way.  If we're too focused on the end game, we get upset, frustrated, anxious about those detours - states that detract from our happiness.  And besides that, sometimes they lead to a new - and even better - destination than where we were originally headed.

Least Effort is one of Deepak Chopra's Seven Spiritual Laws of Success:

"Least effort is expended when your actions are motivated by love, because nature is held together by the energy of love... when your actions are motivated by love, there is no waste of energy.  When your actions are motivated by love, your energy multiplies and accumulates."

According to Chopra, miracles are the expression of this law, and he recommends the following practices to apply it:

• Acceptance.  Accept things (people, situations, circumstances, events) as they are in this moment, rather than focussing on how you wish they were.

• Responsibility.  This is actually not about blaming yourself (or anyone else), but about focusing on your ability to choose your response.  It's about recognising that every "problem" in your life presents you with an opportunity for growth.  It's about choosing to remain alert to those opportunities and transforming the situation into something of greater benefit, for yourself and for others.

• Defenselessness.  Let go of your desire to be right, to be viewed by others as being right, or smart, or wise.  Be open to other points of view, be open to changing your mind, and be unconcerned about how others perceive your thinking.

Least effort is the path of non-resistance.  And resistance is a seed for unhappiness.  Let it go.  Allow life to unfold as it will, and roll with it.  Even if you don't like what's happening in the moment, your overall wellbeing will be enhanced by the lack of struggle.

Image part of Red Silk Alphabet series by geishaboy500

Expect the best

A Thought for the Week

"Nobody succeeds beyond his or her wildest expectations unless he or she begins with some wild expectations." ~ Ralph Charell

"Set your sights high, the higher the better. Expect the most wonderful things to happen, not in the future but right now. Realize that nothing is too good. Allow absolutely nothing to hamper you or hold you up in any way." ~ Eileen Caddy

"Expect the best and a funny thing happens. You often get it." ~ Unknown

How to make a difficult life decision

Last week I received an email from one of my ezine subscribers asking for advice on making a decision that might result in major upheaval and life changes.  Now as a trained life coach, I would never advise somebody to take one path or the other, or even try to influence them on what I think would be the most sensible path for them to take.  Instead of giving him my view of the pros and cons of either choice I outlined to him what I do when I have a difficult decision to make.

Photo by Joe Thorn

I believe that we all have all of the answers to all of our questions within us.  And so all we need to do is let them come to the surface.  But the more we think about what the best thing to do is, the harder it is for that inner knowledge to surface.  The reason for this is that we're engaging our logical minds to make the decision.  But the answer lies in a much deeper place than our logical minds can reach.

To make big life decisions, I tend to start off having a struggle with my logical mind, and then I get fed up of trying to satisfy all of its very demanding criteria.  At this point I turn it over to my Higher Self.  I have a very simple process for this:
 

1. I get clear about the outcome I want
2. I set the intention to just know what the right thing to do is
3. I let go of needing to know now, and patiently wait until I simply do know
4. When that Aha! feeling arrives, and I do just know what to do, I don't question it with logic.  I simply trust what feels right and I go with it. 

I find this to be an easy and stress-free way to deal with major choices.  Our intuition always knows what the best course of action is.  All we have to do is allow it to speak to us in its own time, and when it does trust it!  
 
It can be a scary thing to do though, to throw logic out of the window and just go with what feels right.  But I have yet to regret a decision made in this way.  ( But I have regretted plenty of decisions that satisfied my logical mind but were contrary to a little nagging intuitive nudge)

What about you?  Would you endorse this decision-making process?  What do you do when you're faced with a tough choice? 

Similar posts:

Learning to trust your intuition

Feelings versus Logic - Decisions, Decisions

Start as you mean to go on!

(a Thought for the Week)

"I have decided to be happy because it's good for one's health." ~ Voltaire

Live with intention

Walk to the edge

Listen hard

Practice wellness

Play with abandon

Laugh

Choose with no regret

Continue to learn

Appreciate your friends

Do what you love

Live as if this is All there is 

        ~ Mary Anne Radmacher

Be the change

January 1, 2009.

Not only a new day, but a whole new year.

Have you made your resolutions? Set your intentions? Declared yourself a Big Hairy Audacious Goal?

If not, so what! Read F**k It! by John Parkin and just get on with your life.

If yes though, you might want a plan to help you manifest that goal/intention/resolution. And I’d like to help.

Not with a template of how to set goals and break them down into baby steps with timelines attached.  No siree! 

What I’m going to suggest is that you think about the really big thing you want to achieve for yourself this year. Imagine fast forwarding to New Year’s Eve and you’re looking back on this year, and are filled with awe and gratitude for everything you’ve experienced.

Now take a good look at yourself. Who did you become over the course of 2009 that made the manifestation of your goal possible? Describe yourself, as clearly as you can, in writing.

Because this is the real key to your success.  Not what you need to do, but who you need to be.  As within, so without.  Your life experiences reflect your inner state of being.  So, if you want to experience something new, you have to align your inner self with the new circumstances you wish to attract. 

Focus on being healthy, being creative, being productive, being whatever you need to be.  When you decide to be that person, you will act like that person.  You will be inspired as to what you need to do, and you will do it with greater ease.

“Be the change you want to see in the world.”  ~  Mahatma Gandhi

 

Be, do, have.  Not any other way!

 

Here's looking forward to what 2009 has in store. . .

Feel Abundant

(a Thought for the Week)

“Abundance doesn't follow giving until giving becomes its own reward.” ~ Jan Denise

“Expect your every need to be met. Expect the answer to every problem, expect abundance on every level.” ~ Eileen Caddy

“When you have too much month for you paycheck, then what you need to do is realize that there is abundance all around you and focus on the abundance and not your lack and as night follows day abundance will come to you.” ~ Sidney Madwed

“Feeling abundant surpasses the money in your bank account and transcends what others may think of you. Genuinely feeling abundant and successful is possible when you detach yourself from the things you desire and allow them to flow to you – and through you.” ~ Wayne Dyer

You can view my Thoughts archive here

Intentions versus Goals and Resolutions

I never did set New Year resolutions. But I have set many goals at regular intervals, and then struggled with them. Over the course of 2007 I paid attention whenever I was struggling with a goal, and I have revised my own personal ethos around goal setting in general.

Now I’m no longer such a big fan of goals – sacrilege to my coach training! I haven’t given up on them completely – for really driven people who decide to do a thing and then single-mindedly pursue it, goals are definitely the way to go.

But I’m not one of those people. When I set myself a goal, although it’s usually something I really do want to achieve, it often starts to feel more like a “should” and less like a choice. And what I have learned about myself in recent months is that I actively avoid anything that feels like a “should”.

Shoulds drain my energy and don’t inspire me, even when I was initially highly motivated and energised by the desire that originally spawned the goal. This has posed many the dilemma for me. I had to find a way to go for what I want without turning the process of achieving that into a pressure that would cause me to procrastinate.

What I hit upon was intention setting.

Setting intentions is different to setting goals. It’s about getting to the underlying reason why we want to achieve our goals, and aligning our actions with those feelings. For example, if you want to lose weight, why is that? To be healthier, fitter, feel more attractive? By identifying what it is you really want, and setting the intention to be that way, you’ll find yourself acting accordingly with more ease and less struggle.

If you take a goal centred approach, it’ll typically be something like this:

Goal: To lose half a stone in 8 weeks

Actions:
• One hour work out three days a week
• Thirty minute walk daily
• Cut out white bread, rice and pasta
• Drink two liters of water daily
• Eat low calorie meals
• Cut out all sweet snacks

You get the idea – one goal, lots of things you “should” do in order to achieve it.

An intention centred approach would look more like this:

Intention: To be fit and healthy

Actions:
• Remind myself daily that I intend to be fit and healthy.

That’s it! Really!

When you remind yourself daily of your intention to be fit and healthy, you’ll find yourself acting as a fit and healthy person does, and making the choice to exercise more, and eat more healthily, rather than telling yourself you “have” to do it. The more often you make those choices, the more it becomes a habit, and before you know it you will indeed be a fit and healthy person.

Sounds too simple? Many’s the “too simple” technique that I’ve tried (with an open mind) only to be very pleasantly surprised by the effect. All of my family and friends were shocked at how much weight I lost last year when I set the intention to lower my cholestorel. They all wanted to know how I did it. I told them of the changes I made in my diet and exercise regime, but that wasn’t the secret to my success at all.

Whenever I set myself the goal of losing weight or exercising more in the past, I never succeeded. But this time I was focussed on improving a health issue and I just did what I needed to do without any inner struggle. I never had to push myself to do it, I just did it because I was completely in touch with my underlying desire. And there’s still no effort now in keeping it up.

If you’re similar to me and have always struggled with your goals, why not try this approach instead and see how you get on? The key to identifying your intention is to focus on how you’d like to be rather than what you’d like to be doing or having. Once you’re clear on this, then remind yourself daily of that intention. With that at the front of your mind you will naturally behave in a manner that supports that intention.

However, with my New Year Intentions I have gone a little further. I have made a list of some of the actions I could take (keeping them strictly as an option rather than a “should”) to help align me more with that way of being.

Here are some examples of my intentions for 2008: