Living Out Loud

Happy New Year!

I stole this off John's blog HiLife2B (but I don't think he'll mind)

“Another fresh new year is here . . .
Another year to live!
To banish worry, doubt, and fear,
To love and laugh and give!

This bright new year is given me
To live each day with zest . . .
To daily grow and try to be
My highest and my best!

I have the opportunity
Once more to right some wrongs,
To pray for peace, to plant a tree,
And sing more joyful songs!”

- William Arthur Ward

 

Wishing you much joy and many blessings over the coming year - Hilda.

The A - Z of Happiness: G is for . . .

Letting go of Guilt

 

I used to say to clients that guilt was a wasted emotion.  But I've since come to realise that it's worse than that.  Guilt is in fact a destructive emotion, as it drains your energy, and fosters feelings of shame.  And shame depletes self-esteem.

 

So, if you catch yourself in the act of feeling guilty, you need to learn to let it go.  I already talked about this somewhat in F is for . . .  (forgiving yourself and others). 

 

"It is probable that guilt is merely disguised fear of retribution, either divine or by the person wronged, which is why you punish yourself with shame and flagellation.  It's a way, thinks your unconscious mind, to make amends so you don't get punished." ~ Barefoot Doctor

 

I don't know about you, but when I examined my feelings of guilt in the past, I realised that the above is true.  I believe in karma, and while I do feel genuine remorse for my (perceived) acts of wrongdoing, fear of them coming back to bite me is never far away either.  But actually, focussing attention on your (perceived) shameful deeds is giving them energy, and increasing the likelihood of your perpetuating actions that give rise to more guilt, or indeed attracting your (perceived) deserved retribution.

 

It's not too promising for your personal growth really.

 

Now I try not to indulge in feelings of guilt.  They don't contribute to the wellbeing of the person towards whom I'm feeling guilty, and they certainly don't contribute to my wellbeing.  Instead, I treat myself with compassion.  I acknowledge the action I took that I wish I'd done differently, identify how I might rectify the situation, and resolve to do better in future.  Then I let go, and move on.

 

That's a choice you can make too.  Of course, you can choose the guilt, shame and self-flagellation.  But it won't do you or anyone else any good whatsoever. 

 

Why not try a different approach instead and see how that serves you?

 

Giving what you want to receive

 

“The game of life is a game of boomerangs. Our thoughts, deeds and words return to us sooner or later with astounding accuracy."  ~  Florence Scovell Shinn

 

The experiences you have in your life are always reflecting your thoughts and feelings - the energy you are emitting. 

 

So if there is something you want to receive more of in your life, try giving more of that to those around you. Give love, money, attention, support and you will receive love, money, attention and support – just so long as you give it from a place of genuine love and caring for others. This is absolutely key.

 

Give what you want to receive, but don't give in order to receive.

 

If you give in order to receive, you will negate the receiving effect. This is because your underlying intention is based in a feeling of lack - that is the energy you’re emitting and therefore you will continue to attract that lack.

 

But when you focus on genuinely seeking to help and serve others, you will discover, in many surprising ways, that you are receiving much of the same - and often much, much more - back into your own life.

 

And another added bonus: when you give what you want to receive, you're less likely to act in ways that lead to guilt ;-)

 

 

Goals  -  but treat them lightly!

Slow down and savour life

A Thought for the Week

 

 

 

"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things."  ~  Robert Brault
 
"Develop an appreciation for the present moment. Seize every second of your life and savor it. Value your present moments."  ~  Wayne Dyer
 
"Winners take time to relish their work, knowing that scaling the mountain is what makes the view from the top so exhilarating."  ~  Denis Waitley
 
"Not what we have, but what we enjoy, constitutes our abundance."  ~  Epicurus

 

photo by Rachel Wright

The best things in life aren't things

A Thought for the Week

 

 

"The best things in life come in threes, like friends, dreams, and memories." ~ Unknown

"A hug is a great gift - one size fits all, and it's easy to exchange." ~ Unknown

"The best things in life are nearest: breath in your nostrils, light in your eyes, flowers at your feet." ~ Robert Louis Stevenson

"Joy is not in things; it is in us." ~ Richard Wagner 

 

photo by Photos8.com

The A - Z of Happiness: C is for . . .

The Comparison trap (and not falling into it)

One way to decrease your happiness is to compare your life, or aspects of it, with that of others.  On the surface, there is always someone “better” off than us, and always someone “worse” off than us.  But when you fall into the comparison trap, chances are you usually end up focussing more on those who have more, rather than those who have less. And if you do that, envy will start to surface – to your own detriment.

All of reality is perception. Perceive your life from a positive angle and you cannot help feeling positive about it, and consequently you will feel happier than if you choose to take the pessimistic view.

Life is a game, and the results you get are a direct consequence of your thoughts, words and actions. You may not be able to control all the situations that arise in your life, but you are always in control of how you deal with them and what you make of them. If sometimes it doesn’t feel that way, it’s because you’re not consciously choosing your reaction, but you are choosing it nonetheless.

So, if you want to positively influence your happiness levels, stop putting yourself under pressure to do and have what everyone else does and has. Do it your own way and in your own time. When you look at another’s life from the outside, it can seem highly appealing, but being in it can be a whole different kettle of fish. What is fulfilling for one is not necessarily fulfilling for another.

The real trick is in discovering what is right for you. Take your time – it’s not a race. It takes as long as it takes, and along the way you’ll be discovering more about yourself, what makes you tick and what really brings you joy.

You could be surprised at where your true bliss lies. But if you follow the path of others you’ll be a lot less likely to stumble upon it.

 

Connection

 

A major source of unhappiness for many people is the feeling that they are alone in the world, and this isn’t necessarily a reflection of whether they are single or have a partner.  It stems from the illusion of separation that exists in the physical universe.

 

We all appear to be separate entities, but in fact we are all connected by an unseen energy field.  This connection applies to everything in our lives – not just what we consider to be other living physical beings, but apparently inanimate objects and also our experiences in life.  It is all one big energy field, and we are connected to everybody who appears in our life.

 

When you feel isolated and alone, remind yourself of this fact.  It is just an illusion and you are not alone.  When you reject the appearance of separation you open yourself up to experiencing the connection that is already there. 

 

Remind yourself that you are more than a physical body.  You are also a spiritual being and that on the spiritual level you are connected to everyone.  Then mentally send love and light to those in your life from whom you’re feeling disconnected.  When you send love – unconditionally – to others, you will receive love in return.  And with that your feeling of being alone will diminish.  You will begin to sense the connection that was there all the time.

 

Find the Good

a Thought for the Week

 

 

"Find the good.  It is all around you.  Find it.  Showcase it and you'll start believing it." ~ Jesse Owens

"Where there are friends there is wealth."  ~ Plautus

 

"If one really loves nature, one can find beauty everywhere."  ~  Vincent Van Gogh

 

"Not what we have, but what we enjoy, constitutes our abundance."  ~  Jean Antoine Petit-Senn 

 

Photo by KisKisbreeze

Lessons learned from Adversity

Robert Hruzek has asked a question: what have you learned from adversity? 

 

This is a great question, and it didn’t take much pondering on my part, because I believe (I have experienced) that we learn our most valuable life lessons when we’re facing tough challenges.

 

And I’ve learned some very valuable lessons:

 

Adversity has a purpose

 

Adversity doesn’t show up in my life just to cause me bother and upset.  Bother and upset is usually the unwelcome side effect, but it’s not why it’s here.

 

It’s here to teach me something.  Something important.  And I damn well better have a good look for what that lesson is.  Because if I don’t, it’s going to come back, again and again, in different disguises, becoming more and more adversitous (I’m allowed to make up words on my own blog) each time, until I finally do get whatever it is I am meant to learn.

 

Then and only then will that particular lesson pee off and leave me alone – making the way clear for another life lesson to come along ;-)

 

So I’ve learned to stop cursing adversity and feeling sorry for myself.  Instead I ask myself “what is this here to teach me?”   As soon as I ask myself that question my perspective shifts a little, and I start to feel less hopeless, more hopeful even. 

 

Adversity is a gift

 

And I do like gifts.  But to be honest I like the ‘nice’ kind.  Not the adversitous kind.  If I had the choice I would opt for life without strife – who wouldn’t?  BUT I do know that a 100% easy life isn’t for my highest good.  Because (sadly) I usually forget to pay attention to the life lessons when I’m coasting along without a care in the world.  It’s a bad habit of mine, but I generally only ask myself the big questions and learn the big lessons when things go pear-shaped.

 

 

 

“Whenever you’re in the middle of a crisis, stop and say ‘Thank You’, because you know that something better is on the other side.” ~  Oprah Winfrey

 

It never feels like it in the moment, but adversity is a gift.  I know it’s a cliché, but it truly is an opportunity to grow.  It stretches my comfort zone so that going forward less things are as scary as before.  As a result I’m willing to take more risks than before. And that enriches my life more.

 

Adversity is a gift because dealing with it strengthens my resilience and flexes courage muscles I didn’t even know were there.  And once I stop resisting a tough situation, accepting that I have to deal with it, and stretching myself to do so, things do start to get better. 

 

When I embrace the struggle, paths through it start to open up, and often I can get to where I wanted to be – or to an even better place – much more quickly.  And all because of the cursed, unwanted strife.   It often feels like magic, and it has helped me come to believe that everything does happen for a good reason.  Just because it’s not working out according to my original plan doesn’t mean it’s not working out for my highest good.

 

 

Adversity fosters gratitude 

 

Eventhough I don’t welcome the experience, I generally (though usually with alot of hindsight) appreciate the lessons.

 

But adversity also teaches me to appreciate what is undeniably good in my life. 

 

Contrast is important.  If I didn’t know tough times I would take the good times for granted.  I can’t even imagine how I could appreciate my good fortune if good fortune was all I’d ever known.  Consequently, I believe that it is the experience of adversity that makes the experience of gratitude possible (for me at least).

 

So, to all those adversitous experiences that I hope never to repeat, I thank you.  If it wasn't for the various challenging situations in my life I would not now be:

 

 

• a learned optimist (as opposed to natural worrier and pessimist)
• brave enough to put work that is meaningful to me ahead of greater financial security (and so glad I did, because today I would be living with the constant threat of redundancy making that supposed financial security a joke)
• taking responsibility for how I experience every event in my life
• writing this blog
• reaping the benefits of meditating daily and training to be a meditation teacher
• trusting that all will be well, no matter what it looks like - because it's all happening perfectly ;-)

 

That’s plenty to be grateful for!

 

 

Anybody else care to share?  This post is part of a group writing project hosted by Robert.  Click here to find out how to become involved.

 

 

I've also killed two birds with one stone here, as I'm taking part in Darren Rowse's 31 Days to Build a Better Blog project over on Problogger and he asked us to write a list post.  So I reworked this one a little...  The project just kicked off a couple of days ago, so plenty of time to get involved if you're interested.