Living Out Loud

Rambling through life

A comment about rambling on Megan's post about authenticity and redefinition deeply resonated with me.  I realised "rambling" is exactly what I've been doing the last few years.  And it's been an absolute joy! 

I know it's not the modern Western way, but I don't have much of a plan for my life!  When I was a practicing life coach, I was great at setting myself clear goals - and encouraged clients and friends to do likewise!  But whenever I set myself a plan of action, I often found it turning into a mountain of "shoulds".  And "shoulds" drain my energy and create resistance, and usually I would end up abandoning the plan.  And what was worse, the abandonment was often unconscious, and brought a resulting feeling of shame with it. 

But over the last few years I've paid more attention to the fundamental intentions underlying my various goals.  And I've found the specific goals shifting and evolving at such a fast rate, that I just can't take them too seriously anymore.  And since I've stopped tying myself to various targets (and especially conventional goals) I've felt less pressure, stress and anxiety about where it is I'm going.

Instead, I find myself more and more open to allowing things to unfold, and trusting that they're all happening perfectly for me.  That's not to say that I don't still want various outcomes at different times.  I most certainly do!  But somehow I'm managing to not become too attached, or to eventually release my attachments, and allow what I want for myself to evolve. 

It's been a surprising journey to say the least.  But it's been wonderful too.  I'm really enjoying my life.  I don't have alot of the conventional securities that almost everyone I know has, or indeed much of a structure to my life. 

I do still have dreams and desires, and I am pursuing them according to what feels right in the moment, for as long as it feels right to do so.  And when a shift kicks in and it starts to feel like I need to take a detour, I take it.  Sometimes that detour still takes me towards the same destination (just in a more roundabout way), and sometimes it leads me in a whole new direction. 

So what! I've learned to stop worrying about where I'll end up.  Because there's simply no way of knowing!  Even if I had a rigid plan that I sticked to consistently, day in day out, there'd be no guarantee I'd end up in the place where I expected to be.  Our lives can change, beyond complete recognition, in a heartbeat. 

Everytime I catch myself beginning to become embroiled in the whole business of conventional expectations, I remind myself of this irrefutable truth.  And it returns me to a place of peace and restores my ability to trust that where I am is exactly where I'm meant to be.

My over-riding, non-changing desires for my life are based around states of being.  Being happy, being centred in the energy of love, being connected to others, being in abundance, being at peace.  And none of these states require achieving any specific targets.  Having-ness will result in the ways that are best aligned with and best support the states of being I create for myself. 

Some of those outcomes will resemble the people and things I consciously chose, and some of them will be complete surprises.  Some of those outcomes will come easily, and some will come after I let go of suffering of my own creation (from being too attached to how things come about). 

While I hope that for the most part I find the path easy enough, I accept there will be rough patches along the way.  I have no idea where I'm going, or how I'm going to get there.  I'm sticking with my clear intentions of how I want to 'be' in this world, but my only 'plan' (for now!) is to continue rambling my way through life. ;-)

Invent your future

A Thought for the Week

"What you need to know about the past is that no matter what has happened it has all worked together to bring you to this very moment.  And this is the moment you can choose to make everything new.  Right now." ~ Unknown

 "Decision changes everything." ~ Douglas Verneeren

 

"The best way to predict your future is to invent it.  It's up to you." ~ Frank Maguire

Apologies for being so late this week - I was experiencing severe technical issues!

Be open to magic and miracles

A Thought for the Week

 

 

photo by Sandy Austen

 

"Magic is believing in yourself, if you can do that, you can make anything happen." ~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

 

"You can become blind by seeing each day as a similar one. Each day is a different one, each day brings a miracle of its own. It's just a matter of paying attention to this miracle." ~ Paolo Coelho

 

"One way can be learned by starting to see the magic in everything.  Sometimes it seems to be hiding but it is always there. The more we can see the magic in one thing, a tiny flower, a mango, someone we love, then the more we are able to see the magic in everything and in everyone."  ~ Joshua Kadison

"That's the thing with magic.  You've got to know it's still here, all around us, or it just stays invisible for you."  ~  Charles de Lint

Start as you mean to go on

A Thought for the Week

Live with intention
Walk to the edge
Listen hard
Practice wellness
Play with abandon
Laugh
Choose with no regret
Continue to learn
Appreciate your friends
Do what you love
Live as if this is All there is 

~ Mary Anne Radmacher

photo by Sir Merv

The A - Z of Happiness: G is for . . .

Letting go of Guilt

 

I used to say to clients that guilt was a wasted emotion.  But I've since come to realise that it's worse than that.  Guilt is in fact a destructive emotion, as it drains your energy, and fosters feelings of shame.  And shame depletes self-esteem.

 

So, if you catch yourself in the act of feeling guilty, you need to learn to let it go.  I already talked about this somewhat in F is for . . .  (forgiving yourself and others). 

 

"It is probable that guilt is merely disguised fear of retribution, either divine or by the person wronged, which is why you punish yourself with shame and flagellation.  It's a way, thinks your unconscious mind, to make amends so you don't get punished." ~ Barefoot Doctor

 

I don't know about you, but when I examined my feelings of guilt in the past, I realised that the above is true.  I believe in karma, and while I do feel genuine remorse for my (perceived) acts of wrongdoing, fear of them coming back to bite me is never far away either.  But actually, focussing attention on your (perceived) shameful deeds is giving them energy, and increasing the likelihood of your perpetuating actions that give rise to more guilt, or indeed attracting your (perceived) deserved retribution.

 

It's not too promising for your personal growth really.

 

Now I try not to indulge in feelings of guilt.  They don't contribute to the wellbeing of the person towards whom I'm feeling guilty, and they certainly don't contribute to my wellbeing.  Instead, I treat myself with compassion.  I acknowledge the action I took that I wish I'd done differently, identify how I might rectify the situation, and resolve to do better in future.  Then I let go, and move on.

 

That's a choice you can make too.  Of course, you can choose the guilt, shame and self-flagellation.  But it won't do you or anyone else any good whatsoever. 

 

Why not try a different approach instead and see how that serves you?

 

Giving what you want to receive

 

“The game of life is a game of boomerangs. Our thoughts, deeds and words return to us sooner or later with astounding accuracy."  ~  Florence Scovell Shinn

 

The experiences you have in your life are always reflecting your thoughts and feelings - the energy you are emitting. 

 

So if there is something you want to receive more of in your life, try giving more of that to those around you. Give love, money, attention, support and you will receive love, money, attention and support – just so long as you give it from a place of genuine love and caring for others. This is absolutely key.

 

Give what you want to receive, but don't give in order to receive.

 

If you give in order to receive, you will negate the receiving effect. This is because your underlying intention is based in a feeling of lack - that is the energy you’re emitting and therefore you will continue to attract that lack.

 

But when you focus on genuinely seeking to help and serve others, you will discover, in many surprising ways, that you are receiving much of the same - and often much, much more - back into your own life.

 

And another added bonus: when you give what you want to receive, you're less likely to act in ways that lead to guilt ;-)

 

 

Goals  -  but treat them lightly!

Expect the best

A Thought for the Week

"Nobody succeeds beyond his or her wildest expectations unless he or she begins with some wild expectations." ~ Ralph Charell

"Set your sights high, the higher the better. Expect the most wonderful things to happen, not in the future but right now. Realize that nothing is too good. Allow absolutely nothing to hamper you or hold you up in any way." ~ Eileen Caddy

"Expect the best and a funny thing happens. You often get it." ~ Unknown

Live fearlessly

A Thought for the Week

"You have to take risks. We will only understand the miracle of life fully when we allow the unexpected to happen." ~ Paulo Coelho

"Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore.” ~ Andre Gide

“Do not fear risk. All exploration, all growth is calculated. Without challenge people cannot reach their higher selves. Only if we are willing to walk over the edge can we become winners.” ~ Unknown

photo by kah adiving

Create what you want

A Thought for the Week

 

 

"My will shall shape the future. Whether I fail or succeed shall be no man's doing but my own. I am the force; I can clear any obstacle before me or I can be lost in the maze. My choice; my responsibility; win or lose, only I hold the key to my destiny." ~ Elaine Maxwell

 

"The best way to predict your future is to invent it. It's up to you." ~ Frank Maguire

 

"Only as high as I reach can I grow, only as far as I seek can I go, only as deep as I look can I see, only as much as I dream can I be." ~ Karen Ravn

 

photo by Big Grey Mare

Nurture your dreams

(a Thought for the Week)

 

 

"When you follow your bliss... doors will open where you would not have thought there would be doors; and where there wouldn't be a door for anyone else." ~ Joseph Campbell  "If one advances confidently in the direction of one's dreams, and endeavors to live the life which one has imagined, one will meet with a success unexpected in common hours." ~ Henry David Thoreau "Nobody succeeds beyond his or her wildest expectations unless he or she begins with some wild expectations." ~ Ralph Charell