Self-Exposure

I came across this project the day after I'd posted "As within, so without" as my thought for the week, and in the midst of a kidney infection.  Due to a manic couple of months past, I haven't been blogging, and was promising myself I'd get back to it this week.  The topic started by Mish drew me in...

I know this is true of everyone, but I HATE being sick.  Apart from a cough/cold each winter I'm rarely sick.  And when something else comes along it really pisses me off.  I don't feel like I deserve it because for the most part I look after my health.

But reading other blogger's 'Exposed' posts about why they love their bodies has helped me shift back to an attitude of gratitude for my own body.  I'm appreciating that it always serves me well.  Always!  Even if I'm feeling like it's letting me down, that isn't the case.

I do believe that every illness of the body has a metaphysical cause, and according to Louise Hay kidney problems can be caused by refusing to grow up.

Now two weeks ago I turned 40.  And I didn't have a problem with it, really.  I embraced it and celebrated it.  Or at least that's what I thought I was doing!! 

But I also joked with everyone that I wasn't really 40, I was going along with it for the craic (that's Irish for fun), but that somebody had made a big mistake.  Definitely a bit of a conflict going on...

And so my body, that is usually healthy, is actually serving me well by manifesting a kidney infection.  It has drawn my awareness to an inner conflict I need to resolve.

Divine right action is always taking place in my life.  Only good comes from each experience.  It is safe to grow up. ~ Louise Hay affirmation for my condition (in case you share it!)

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I wrote the above a week ago.  I was pretty much inspired to do it after reading Lance's post.  But it's taken me a week to get the courage to finish it, because to post I had to include the pic.

Eventhough I admired others the courage to post their semi-naked pics, when it came to doing the same myself, it felt a little indecent.  Why is it that I could admire an action in others and criticise myself for contemplating the same?  I detect a little double-standards in my consciosness...

And so, I'm taking a deep breath and posting.  I still feel very uncomfortable doing so, but I also know that the discomfort comes from the need for approval, or to be more accurate in this case, the fear of disapproval.  But I've let fear hold me back so often in my life, and these days I do my best not to let that happen anymore.  I make a big effort to feel the fear and do it anyway. 

So I've joined the ranks.  Here is my body, exposed, as it looks today.

  
 

Right now, I'm ok with how it looks.  But the problem is, I tend to appreciate it more when it looks what I consider to be good, and not so much when I feel like I need to lose a few pounds or tone up. 

And that's not good enough really.  My body deserves my respect and appreciation at all times.  Because at all times it is working for me.  Everything I experience in life is made possible by my perfect body.  And therefore it is always worthy of my unconditional love, be it sick or healthy, thin or not-so-thin.

I'm grateful for that reminder.  I'm also grateful that I'm nearly over my kidney infection ;-) 

And even if I have some more work to do before I'm fully in the 'loving it' space, I'm definitely feeling ALOT more appreciation for my body!

What about you?  What do you appreciate about your body?

Comments

[Lance]

Hilda,
What you are doing here is so great! It is, because your body IS perfect. And it IS a part of you. It's only a part, though. And that you are celebrating this part of you is wonderful! Just like every part is so worth celebrating! You are brave and courageous...and it is such an honor to know you! And I mean that very much, Hilda...you shine! And today you shine even more...

[Michelle@Eatingjourney]

You are beautiful not only in your body, but in your spirit as well. I love Louise Hay and need to start reading her book again. I have issues with my stomach/intestine. It is totally do with control and not being 'good enough'. The reason that I started the whole movement. Moving beyond what we think we are and loving where we are in the present moment. You're a beautiful 40 year old woman (I heard that life only gets better in your 40s). Continue to embrace your life and look forward.

[MizFit]

How have I not met you before?!
You are indeed amazing beautiful EXPOSED & brave.

I adore mish for starting this and am so glad you joined in.
Carla

[mamaV]

Hi Hilda! I've been tracking all brave "exposed" bloggers, and I am adding you to our Hall of Fame List (go here to view WeAreTheRealDeal dot com, see upper right sidebar).

I too turned 40 in August, and I felt great about it, but I do think it sinks in as the year churns on you know? It's like -- wow, 40 is different. My skin is starting to wrinkle, my cellulite is more obvious, my imperfections are glaring --ahhh!!!!

But seriously,years ago I was given the "gift" of being a model -- which forced me to deal with criticism about my body on a daily basis. It was brutal, I'd never want to go back there, took me years of therapy to get over it, but it taught me that no matter what -- there is no perfect. Does not exist. So we have to just let go. Let go of this fantasy that someone else has it better, or easier, or whatever -- its all fleeting.

Anyway, glad you are standing PROUD of who you are (and I love your undies).

Nice to meet you!
Heather
aka mamaV

PS
Truth be told- I am tracking all of you, but I have not yet done it myself. Not really because I am afraid to do it, more because of the privacy thing.

[Hilda]

Hi Lance,

Thank you so much! You shine too - and I truly mean that!!

And you're so right, my body is just one aspect of my being. It's the physical manifestation of what's happening at a spiritual, emotional and mental level, and that's what I've been reminded of through this.

Hi Michelle,

Thank you for your very kind comment, and also for starting this project. It's given me some very valuable insights that I'm grateful to have received :-)

Hi Carla,

Thank you, and back at you! I read your post right after Lance's and your total attitude of gratitude for your body galvinised my own shift. So really, Thank You Very Much!

Hi Heather,

Nice to meet you too! And thanks for the link and the advice. Very wise. I do know at an intellectual level that imperfect is perfectly perfect ;-) It's integrating that knowledge into my very being that's still a work in progress. Hopefully by 50 I'll have well and truly mastered it ;-)