Allowing others the freedom to grow

We're all pretty protective of our right to lead our own lives, make our own mistakes, learn our own lessons.  But how good are you at allowing others the freedom to do the same?

In my life right now, I'm struggling with that.  A central character in my life is proposing to sell her house and move to Egypt with her three year old daughter. 

And my ego (along with those of all her family) is strongly resisting it.  And while I admit that some of that comes from my selfish desire for her to remain in Ireland where I can see her regularly, it's mostly worry and fear for her wellbeing, and the wellbeing of her young child.

Oh, my ego could provide you with a very long list of all the reasons why this plan is misguided and doomed to failure.  And your ego would be nodding along in agreement - of that I have absolutely no doubt!

Whenever I allow myself to dwell on the matter for more than a couple of minutes, and especially when I begin explaining to others all the reasons why she should not do this, I get very upset.  Thank God for meditation though, because it is helping me to loosen the grip of fear and glimpse a possible higher purpose in all of this. 

When I allow my Higher Self to get a word in, I acknowledge that I cannot see the big picture of this person's life, and what I think I know to be the certain outcome of this "drastic" move may not in fact turn out to be the case.  I also remember that this three year old girl is more than a child under the control of her mother's decision.  She is also a wise soul who chose this other soul to be her mother in this lifetime.  And both of these souls also chose to learn particular lessons - and just maybe this move to Egypt is a necessary part of both their journeys.

I do know that.  But my ego doesn't like it, not one little bit.  But slowly, my ego and Higher Self are reaching a compromise.  I'm hoping that this plan is not destined to manifest, that it is not for the highest good of all, and will in the end come to nothing.  (In a nutshell, I'm hoping she will see "sense")

But at the same time, I'm trying to accept that maybe it is for the highest good (no matter what I, or anyone else thinks about it).  And if it does come about I hope I will look back on it and be glad that it happened despite my current feelings on the subject.  I'm remembering most growth comes from the difficult situations rather than the easy ones.  And if we're not growing then there's not much point in our being here.

I'm working with this affirmation by Florence Scovell Shinn:

"I do not resist this situation.  I put it in the hands of Infinite Love and Wisdom and let the Divine idea come to pass."

It's from The Game of Life and How to Play it (a gem of a book), and it's helping me to loosen the fearful grip of my ego, and allow my Higher Self to deliver some peace of mind. 

What about you?  How do you cope when you find yourself in similar situations?

Comments

[Positively Present]

Great post!! I think it's so important to allow others (and ourselves!) to grow. I'm going to have to check out the book you recommended. Sounds good!

[Hilda]

Hi Dani,

I hope you like it. It was published in the 1920s. Florence was a metaphysician based in New York. The book is a quick read, full of simple but wonderfully wise (and powerful) advice. Some great affirmations too that I use often. Enjoy : )

[Walter]

I have realized this fact about myself long time ago. We certainly are selfish, and in our misguided effort to help others find their true place we prevent them from making moves that will make an impact to their lives.

Granted that we are concerned, how can we make someone grow if we confine them to our "comfort zones." Jumping to the unknown is always scary but we must take this chance because I believe life has more to offer. :-)

[Megan "JoyGirl!" Bord]

Whoa... First of all, I LOVE Florence Scovel Shinn. I read the book you referenced in four days, and keep it on my desk for constant reference. I bought six additional copies, which I've given away to a handful of people, all of whom also loved the book!

Now, as for your friend... That's a tough one, and I love that you recognize it from many different (spiritual or ascended) viewpoints. Yes, that little girl chose her mother before incarnating. Absolutely! And yes, her mother even chose this major decision as something she'd consider in this lifetime. And you chose her as your friend so that you could learn, right now, the very thing you're learning: how to let go.

Two people I love dearly have not had health insurance for more than ten years. We all live in the US where insurance is practically mandatory if you ever get sick. God forbid you're ill and don't have it. Well, these two people opted for a life that precluded being able to afford it. I nagged them for YEARS, and more because they both smoke, etc. Just this year, I quit my job and now I don't have health insurance, and you know what? It's okay. I'm learning that the things I worry about in others' lives are just ways of distracting myself from taking care of my own business. I used to like to put myself into other people's business rather than taking care of my own. That left both them and me feeling badly. Now I know that other people are going to, as you pointed out, live their life's lessons on their own terms. As we all must do.

Easier to say than to do, but I think you're already there. If she's destined to be there, no amount of worry on your end can keep her in Ireland. Your love and understanding, however, might make her decision infinitely easier. (smile)

Blessings to you all!

[Hilda]

Hi Walter,

I think you hit the nail on the head there: we can't expect others to live their lives according to our comfort zones. If we remain in our own comfort zones we won't grow ourselves, so how could we possibly wish for others to grow while expecting them to remain in a place that we feel comfortable with!

[Hilda]

Hi Megan,

I love Florence too. I also reference the book frequently and have given numerous copies away as gifts (but I never loan my own treasured copy ;-)

How interesting that you spent years worrying about something on behalf of your friends that you're now perfectly comfortable with for yourself. Despite all my fears around that planned move to Egypt, I'm excited about my own plan to up sticks and move my life from the East coast of Ireland to the West!

It feels much more comfortable than a move to Egypt for lots of reasons. As far as my ego is concerned, it's not such a big deal, there's really very little risk involved (although I do have to start all over in terms of making new friends, building a support network, and business). Compared to doing all of this in Egypt, my move feels - to me - to be of little concern.

But if I'm really honest what it probably boils down to, is I'm in control of one move and not in control of the other. You made a very important point there, we should indeed focus on our own business and allow others to mind theirs - at least until they ask for our help :-)