Living Out Loud

Make the world a better place

(a Thought for the Week)

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Free Hugs

 

"How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world."  ~  Anne Frank

 

"If you want to make the world a better place, take a look at yourself, and then make a change."  ~  Michael Jackson

 

"You must be the change you want to see in the world."  ~  Mahatma Ghandi 

The A - Z of Happiness: D is for . . .

Deliberately create your day

Believe it or not, it is possible to radically alter how you feel without changing your circumstances and here is a simple technique to help you do this:

 

Each morning, before you dive head-first into your day, think very clearly about how you want your day to be, and most importantly how you want to be during the day.  If you want, you could even write it down in a small notebook - I did when I first started practicing this technique - so that you can handily refer to it later in the day whenever you notice you're no longer centred in that place of being. 

 

But whether you do it in writing or in your mind's eye, the most important thing is that you decide how you want your day to go, and then focus on that for at least a few minutes before you get started.  The more energy you can put into these thoughts, the better your day will be.  

 

So if you normally spend your journey to work thinking “Ugh, I have to do x and meet y, and I’m tired and stressed", or other thoughts along those lines, try going over and over in your mind your new script instead:

“Today I get through my workload productively and effectively. I’m relaxed and confident and I capably deal with every situation whether it is planned or unexpected.  I feel great all day and enjoy what I’m doing and the people I’m interacting with.”

Substitute the above for whatever you want from your day and be amazed at the difference it can make.

 

When I first tried this technique I was in a very sceptical place.  But I was also so miserable at work that I figured I had nothing to lose.  So I opened my mind just enough to give it a go.  I had such an amazing day it really blew my mind, and I have never looked back : )

 

Try it and see for yourself! 

Detach from your Desires

"Life is a tide; float on it.  Go down with it and go up with it, but be detached.  Then it is not difficult."  ~  Prem Rawal

 

If you could let go of all your attachments you would also let go of the source of much of your unhappiness.  Attachment to our desires is about more than our material desires, but also our emotional and spiritual desires.  It's attachment to how we think things should be, or how we would really like them to be. 

 

It can be attachment to the idea that we have to have full physical health in order to be happy, or that we have to be sad for a time if someone we love leaves us.  While these ideas may seem logical, it actually doesn't have to be that way.  These are merely beliefs.  And, as discussed in B is for... they rule our lives, BUT they can also be changed if they don't serve us well.

 

The concept of detaching from our desires is one I am constantly working on, but I see time and again how important it is to my happiness.  Having desires is not an impediment to being happy - it is natural and normal, and is what gives us impetus to get out of bed in the mornings and live our lives.  But being attached to having our desires manifest is a very real obstacle - to our happiness, and in fact to the manifestation we wish for.

 

Attachment is an obstacle to having what you want in your life, because it is resistance to the way things are unfolding.  And what you resist persists.  When you cling to the idea that you cannot be happy unless things happen in a certain way, then you are closing down other avenues that could lead you to where you ultimately want to go.

 

To be happier and more content, no matter how things are unfolding, the approach to aim for is preference: 

Don't be afraid of making a mistake

A Thought for the Week

"The most valuable thing you can make is a mistake - you can't learn anything from being perfect." ~ Adam Osborne

 

"Do not fear mistakes.  You will know failure.  Continue to reach out." ~ Benjamin Franklin

 

photo by Kiskisbreeze

 

"After all these years, I am still involved in the process of self-discovery. It's better to explore life and make mistakes than to play it safe. Mistakes are part of the dues one pays for a full life." ~ Sophia Loren 

 

"What would you do if you weren't afraid?"  ~  Spencer Johnson

 

The Game of Life June 09

New here on my blog, The Game of Life is an ezine I have been sending to subscribers via email for three and a half years.  To receive your copy direct to your email inbox click here.

This edition is focussed on surviving and thriving during difficult times.  It's inspired by the global economic crisis that is causing widespread stress and despair, and so there are a few resources that focus directly on dealing with being unemployed right now.

However, "difficult times" aren't limited to financial hardships, and can apply in every area of our lives.  So, there's also some resources that look at dealing with difficult situations in general.  I hope you find something of use to you.

Read on...

"We’re living in a time where nearly everyone is  feeling overwhelmed with the changes and problems in the world.  Some of us feel stuck, uninspired and fearful. Others have suffered major losses and feel hopeless and helpless.  Some people find ways to thrive even in bad times. They refuse to fall into 'the sky is falling mode'.”

In this post Tess of The Bold Life outlines no fewer than 77 ways to lighten up in tough times.    And here she provides a list of the simple joys in life that money really and truly cannot buy.  Just reading it will give you a lift. 

Life is like climbing a mountain!

"We’ll stumble along the way in life.  Our ego’s will be bruised.  We might be broken financially or emotionally.  Yet, that doesn’t mean we’re finished, or that our mountain peak isn't attainable." 

In this post Lance from The Jungle of Life beautifully describes the various life lessons we can gain from this metaphor.  If it feels like you're climbing a mountain right now, you may find some solace in this.

Meditation is the perfect antidote to stress! 

I am just a few weeks away from being certified (hopefully) as an instructor in primordial sound meditation, and I believe that meditation could actually be the perfect solution to all of the worlds ills!  It's a big claim I know, which is probably why I have yet to blog about it! 

Whether you'd go along with such a huge claim or not, there is plenty of scientific evidence as to the wonderful benefits of meditation.  And happily, Roger from A Content Life has posted a wonderful six part series on meditation for beginners.  

There are many, many different ways to meditate, and how you do it isn't really important.  We don't judge our meditation by the experience during the practice but by the results in our lives afterwards.  So, the key is to experiment with different techniques until you find one that suits you.  Roger's series is perfect for people new to meditation and walks you through a few different techniques.  

If you are out of work:

Although the landscape is very bleak at the moment, there are jobs out there to be found.  The difficulty though in the current climate is that the competition is fierce.  Because unemployment rates are so high the sheer quantity of applications for vacant positions is overwhelming to those doing the hiring. 

The first hurdle in a job search is just to get noticed.  Sending out blanket job applications is a surefire strategy to receive blanket rejection - and that will begin to knock your self confidence, the one thing you really need to nurture right now. 

If you're in the job market, you'll need to get a bit more creative about your approach and this article outlines many real-life examples of how people have gotten hired during the current recession.  Be sure to read the last two paragraphs too - they're important! 

 

Staying Positive

This Wall Street Journal article looks at the benefits of volunteering, not only for the feel-good factor of doing something worthwhile with your time, but also because of the opportunity to upskill and open yourself up to a potential new career. 

And here, Bob Lotich writes about how maintaining a positive attitude in the face of being laid off can help you find your next (maybe even better) job. 

Book Review

There is a spiritual solution to every problem by Wayne Dyer.

In this book Dyer takes a prayer by St Francis of Assisi and breaks it down into a series of lessons. He proposes that, if applied in your day to day life, these concepts will raise the vibration of your energy. What this means essentially, is that you'll live your life in closer relationship with your Spirit, and thereby find a spiritual solution to any issue that arises.

Dyer's own sense of inner peace pervades his writing, and he provides many, many practical examples from his own life and the lives of his readers as to how these principles really do provide solutions that you wouldn't logically expect.

The book is divided into two sections. The first provides an easy-to-grasp theoretical foundation to what it means and why it's important to align your energy with that of Spirit. Part two gives you the practical steps - how to align your energy with Spirit by following the principles outlined in St Francis' prayer.

Maybe you have some serious problems in your life right now, and maybe you don't. But one thing is for sure, you will have serious problems to deal with between now and the end of your days. That's a given. And our challenge in this life lies in how we deal with each issue that arises. Reading this book will (in my humble opinion) help you to prepare for, and cope with those challenges as and when they come up.

The prayer:

Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace.

Where there is hatred, let me sow love;

Where there is injury, pardon;

Where there is doubt, faith;

Where there is despair, hope;

Where there is darkness, light;

Where there is sadness, joy.

 

O divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek

To be consoled as to console,

To be understood as to understand,

To be loved as to love;

For it is in giving that we receive;

It is in pardoning that we are pardoned;

It is in dying to self that we are born to eternal life. ~ Saint Francis of Assisi

 

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"Difficulty need not foreshadow despair or defeat. Rather achievement can be all the more satisfying because of obstacles surmounted." ~ William Hastie

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That's my round up of resources on surviving and thriving during difficult times.  Next issue (end July/early August) the theme will be self-esteem and giving it a work-out.

In the meantime, any other links to resources on dealing with difficult circumstances will be very welcome!

The A - Z of Happiness: C is for . . .

The Comparison trap (and not falling into it)

One way to decrease your happiness is to compare your life, or aspects of it, with that of others.  On the surface, there is always someone “better” off than us, and always someone “worse” off than us.  But when you fall into the comparison trap, chances are you usually end up focussing more on those who have more, rather than those who have less. And if you do that, envy will start to surface – to your own detriment.

All of reality is perception. Perceive your life from a positive angle and you cannot help feeling positive about it, and consequently you will feel happier than if you choose to take the pessimistic view.

Life is a game, and the results you get are a direct consequence of your thoughts, words and actions. You may not be able to control all the situations that arise in your life, but you are always in control of how you deal with them and what you make of them. If sometimes it doesn’t feel that way, it’s because you’re not consciously choosing your reaction, but you are choosing it nonetheless.

So, if you want to positively influence your happiness levels, stop putting yourself under pressure to do and have what everyone else does and has. Do it your own way and in your own time. When you look at another’s life from the outside, it can seem highly appealing, but being in it can be a whole different kettle of fish. What is fulfilling for one is not necessarily fulfilling for another.

The real trick is in discovering what is right for you. Take your time – it’s not a race. It takes as long as it takes, and along the way you’ll be discovering more about yourself, what makes you tick and what really brings you joy.

You could be surprised at where your true bliss lies. But if you follow the path of others you’ll be a lot less likely to stumble upon it.

 

Connection

 

A major source of unhappiness for many people is the feeling that they are alone in the world, and this isn’t necessarily a reflection of whether they are single or have a partner.  It stems from the illusion of separation that exists in the physical universe.

 

We all appear to be separate entities, but in fact we are all connected by an unseen energy field.  This connection applies to everything in our lives – not just what we consider to be other living physical beings, but apparently inanimate objects and also our experiences in life.  It is all one big energy field, and we are connected to everybody who appears in our life.

 

When you feel isolated and alone, remind yourself of this fact.  It is just an illusion and you are not alone.  When you reject the appearance of separation you open yourself up to experiencing the connection that is already there. 

 

Remind yourself that you are more than a physical body.  You are also a spiritual being and that on the spiritual level you are connected to everyone.  Then mentally send love and light to those in your life from whom you’re feeling disconnected.  When you send love – unconditionally – to others, you will receive love in return.  And with that your feeling of being alone will diminish.  You will begin to sense the connection that was there all the time.

 

Advice from my future (and wiser) self

I've been inspired by Daphne's post at Joyful Days (and she in turn was inspired by Giovanna) to  write myself a letter from my older, wiser self.  A letter that will help the me in this here and now to live more joyfully in each here and now as it presents itself.  Here is is:

Dear Hilda,

Be patient with yourself.  Yes, you are a work in progress, but that is a process that will never be completed (at least not in this lifetime), so it doesn’t matter how long it takes.  There is no race or competition in life, we all get to where we’re going according to our own personal schedules.  All your life you will be evolving, even now I am still a “work in progress”. 

 Detach from all your worldly desires.  Yes all of them.  Each morning when you say the words “Thy will be done” add the words “not mine”.  You are currently afraid to do that. You are afraid to truly hand over control in case the Divine will is not aligned with your desires.  Hand them over and mean it – everything will be fine and you will have no regrets.

 

You have no idea how little you will come to care about the many things you obsess over now.  You have always aspired to “go with the flow”, yet you struggle too with the desire to control.  Control is an illusion and so is the concept of security or certainty.  Let it go.  Embrace uncertainty.  Enter each new day with a sense of curiosity as to what might unfold.

 

Yes it is true that you appreciate that life is more about the journey than the destination.  BUT you’re still just a little bit picky about what the destintation might be.  It’s ok to have preferences, but you need to be truly open to all possibilities.  Maybe the destination will be nowhere as exotic as you currently hope for, but as soon as you truly open yourself up to all eventualities and accept whatever shows up for you, you will experience more joy in the journey than you can even anticipate right now.  Trust me.  I am you, I have been through it.

 

The best thing you can do for yourself, now and always, is to remember every day the advice you offer so freely to others:  Live joyfully in the here and now – that is the only place where true happiness exists.

Always watching over you,

Love Hilda xx

This was a really nice exercise.  Why not do it for youself?  You will find yourself tapping into your innate wisdom that already exists.  You don't have to wait till you've experienced more in life to feel and trust that wisdom - just step into an imaginary time capsule and let it come forth!

Consciously choose your response

A Thought for the Week

"You can't always choose your circumstances, but you can always choose your response."  ~  Many, many very wise people!

 

"We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you... we are in charge of our Attitudes." ~ Charles R. Swindoll

Photo by baskyes

 

"The one thing you can't take away form me is the way I choose to respond to what you do to me.  The last of one's freedoms is to choose one's attitude in any given circumstance."  ~  Viktor Frankl

 

"The more you bring your choices into the level of your conscious awareness, the more you will make those choices that are spontaneously correct - both for you and those around you."  ~  Deepak Chopra

Looking for a hero? Look within . . .

 A Thought for the Week)

Every time you take the risk to be true to your own soul - whether or not you name your action as heroic - your example helps others to do likewise.  When you notice this pattern, it becomes easier to have absolute fidelity to your own path without fear that doing so is selfish.  We can do nothing better for others than model the authentic life."  ~ Carol Pearson 

"The biggest journey can begin with a small step. The biggest tree can grow from a small seed and manifest its own true expression from the power within."  ~  Plamen Lakov
 
"I've continued to recognize the power individuals have to change virtually anything and everything in their lives in an instant. I've learned that the resources we need to turn our dreams into reality are within us, merely waiting for the day when we decide to wake up and claim our birthright."  ~  Anthony Robbins

"Self-trust is the essence of heroism."  ~  Ralph Waldo Emerson

Finding the Hero Within

I was on a mind/body/spirit retreat over Easter and it's stirred up loads of stuff in me.  I've been feeling really unsettled this week as a result.

At the end of this year I will be forty, and I am not living the life I want.  I am dabbling a little in it, but in order to get tot a place where I do it for a living rather than a hobby, I need to give up the security of my three day week job. 

And that's a bit scary at the best of times, but in the current climate to even contemplate it feels like madness!  I do have some financial reserves in the bank to make it feasible to give it a go, but if it doesn't work out it won't be that easy to get a replacement job.

It's been bubbling away in me for the last couple of months, but I was trying to keep my feet on the ground.  Focusing on the practicality of chipping away at my dream two days a week while earning the bread the rest of the time.  But my dissatisfaction around this came to the surface after the retreat because I know that if I'm going to climb this mountain I need to really commit to it.

I have signed up for a 65km multisport event at the end of August which will be physically very grueling, and if I approached my training regime for that event the same way I'm approaching my dream for my work then I would be stretchered off about a third of the way in.  But I'm putting the necessary amount of work in and I'm confident that I will complete that event - though it will still be very difficult.  Surely my Big Dream deserves the same focused attention as this one-off event?

At the same time that I've been grappling with all this, I was also planning my next Thought for the Week around the theme of Finding the Hero Within (inspired by Joanna Young's post on the subject).  And here I am struggling to find my own inner hero!

And then Neale Donald Walshe sent me this note:

 On this day of your life, Hilda, I believe God wants you to know...

...that your fears have stopped you before, but they need not stop you now.

What's the worse that can happen?  And if that happened, what would happen then? And if that happened, then what?

Now...if you give in to your fears, where will that leave you?  Right where you are now?  And if that's where you want to be, why is the other option even a little bit exciting to you?

My intuition works through signs a lot.  Sometimes I get a very strong feeling about something, but usually it's signs in things I read, lyrics of songs or things people say in passing.  To get a direct email that cuts to the hear of my issue is a very strong sign. There's a clear message here for me to release my fears and go for what I really want.

Yes, a very clear message indeed.  But finding the courage to go for it is not the same as knowing it's what I need.  I'd love if there was a magical potion I could drink that would dissolve all the fears...  But then that wouldn't really be heroic, would it?  I've got to feel the fear and do it anyway.

Still, if I could find a cheat's way I'd take it!

Anyone got any tips to share?  How do you flex your courage muscles when the need arises?

Lessons learned from Adversity

Robert Hruzek has asked a question: what have you learned from adversity? 

 

This is a great question, and it didn’t take much pondering on my part, because I believe (I have experienced) that we learn our most valuable life lessons when we’re facing tough challenges.

 

And I’ve learned some very valuable lessons:

 

Adversity has a purpose

 

Adversity doesn’t show up in my life just to cause me bother and upset.  Bother and upset is usually the unwelcome side effect, but it’s not why it’s here.

 

It’s here to teach me something.  Something important.  And I damn well better have a good look for what that lesson is.  Because if I don’t, it’s going to come back, again and again, in different disguises, becoming more and more adversitous (I’m allowed to make up words on my own blog) each time, until I finally do get whatever it is I am meant to learn.

 

Then and only then will that particular lesson pee off and leave me alone – making the way clear for another life lesson to come along ;-)

 

So I’ve learned to stop cursing adversity and feeling sorry for myself.  Instead I ask myself “what is this here to teach me?”   As soon as I ask myself that question my perspective shifts a little, and I start to feel less hopeless, more hopeful even. 

 

Adversity is a gift

 

And I do like gifts.  But to be honest I like the ‘nice’ kind.  Not the adversitous kind.  If I had the choice I would opt for life without strife – who wouldn’t?  BUT I do know that a 100% easy life isn’t for my highest good.  Because (sadly) I usually forget to pay attention to the life lessons when I’m coasting along without a care in the world.  It’s a bad habit of mine, but I generally only ask myself the big questions and learn the big lessons when things go pear-shaped.

 

 

 

“Whenever you’re in the middle of a crisis, stop and say ‘Thank You’, because you know that something better is on the other side.” ~  Oprah Winfrey

 

It never feels like it in the moment, but adversity is a gift.  I know it’s a cliché, but it truly is an opportunity to grow.  It stretches my comfort zone so that going forward less things are as scary as before.  As a result I’m willing to take more risks than before. And that enriches my life more.

 

Adversity is a gift because dealing with it strengthens my resilience and flexes courage muscles I didn’t even know were there.  And once I stop resisting a tough situation, accepting that I have to deal with it, and stretching myself to do so, things do start to get better. 

 

When I embrace the struggle, paths through it start to open up, and often I can get to where I wanted to be – or to an even better place – much more quickly.  And all because of the cursed, unwanted strife.   It often feels like magic, and it has helped me come to believe that everything does happen for a good reason.  Just because it’s not working out according to my original plan doesn’t mean it’s not working out for my highest good.

 

 

Adversity fosters gratitude 

 

Eventhough I don’t welcome the experience, I generally (though usually with alot of hindsight) appreciate the lessons.

 

But adversity also teaches me to appreciate what is undeniably good in my life. 

 

Contrast is important.  If I didn’t know tough times I would take the good times for granted.  I can’t even imagine how I could appreciate my good fortune if good fortune was all I’d ever known.  Consequently, I believe that it is the experience of adversity that makes the experience of gratitude possible (for me at least).

 

So, to all those adversitous experiences that I hope never to repeat, I thank you.  If it wasn't for the various challenging situations in my life I would not now be:

 

 

• a learned optimist (as opposed to natural worrier and pessimist)
• brave enough to put work that is meaningful to me ahead of greater financial security (and so glad I did, because today I would be living with the constant threat of redundancy making that supposed financial security a joke)
• taking responsibility for how I experience every event in my life
• writing this blog
• reaping the benefits of meditating daily and training to be a meditation teacher
• trusting that all will be well, no matter what it looks like - because it's all happening perfectly ;-)

 

That’s plenty to be grateful for!

 

 

Anybody else care to share?  This post is part of a group writing project hosted by Robert.  Click here to find out how to become involved.

 

 

I've also killed two birds with one stone here, as I'm taking part in Darren Rowse's 31 Days to Build a Better Blog project over on Problogger and he asked us to write a list post.  So I reworked this one a little...  The project just kicked off a couple of days ago, so plenty of time to get involved if you're interested.