Living Out Loud

All is well, no matter what it looks like

(A Thought for the Week)

"Whatever relationships you have attracted in your life at this moment, are precisely the ones you need in your life at this moment. There is a hidden meaning behind all events, and this hidden meaning is serving your own evolution." ~ Deepak Chopra

"A jug fills drop by drop." ~ Buddha

"Your joy is divine and so is your suffering. There's so much to be learned from both." ~ Wayne Dyer

"I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I intended to be." ~ Douglas Adams

"Life has to be lived forwards, but it only makes sense backwards." ~ Rod Briggs

"All is well, no matter what it looks like. It's all happening perfectly." ~ Susan Jeffers

You can view my Thoughts archive here

10 rules for being human

by Rod Briggs of MindLink Foundation

1. You will receive a body - you may love it or hate it, but it's yours for the entire period.

2. You will learn lessons - you will enroll in a full-time school called 'LIFE'. Each day you have the opportunity to learn lessons. You may like the lessons or think of them as irrelevant or stupid.

3. There are no mistakes - only lessons. Growth is a process of trial and error experimentation. The "failed" experiments are as much a part of the process as those that work.

4. A lesson is repeated until it is learned. Lesssons will be presented in various forms until you have learned them. When you have learned you can go on to the next lesson.

5. Learning lessons does not end. There is no part of life that does not contain lessons. If you are alive, you are learning.

6. "There" is no better than "here". When your "there" has become "here", you will simply find another "there" that will look better than "here".

7. Others are merely mirrors of you. You do not love or hate something about another person unless it reflects something you love or hate about yourself.

8. What you make of your life is up to you. You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you.

9. Your answers lie within you. The answers to life's questions lie inside you and you only need to look, listen and trust.

10. You will remember or forget all of this. The choice is yours.

Mistakes are good

(a Thought for the Week)

"The greatest mistake you can make in life is continually to be fearing you will make one." ~ Elbert Hubbard

"A life spent making mistakes is not only more honourable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing." ~ George Bernard Shaw

"Take chances, make mistakes. That's how you grow. Pain nourishes your courage. You have to fail in order to practice being brave." ~ Mary Tyler Moore

"The most valuable thing you can make is a mistake - you can't learn anything from being perfect." ~ Adam Osborne

"What would you do if you weren't afraid?" ~ Spencer Johnson

You can view my Thoughts archive here

Hooray for Butterflies

I have been so disconnected from my centre for such a long time. And the sad thing is I didn’t even realise it.

The magical synchronicities were few and far between, things weren’t working out as beautifully as I’d become accustomed to, and there were no butterflies. (For me, the sight of butterflies, either in physical or artistic form, is the Universe’s way of tapping me on my shoulder and letting me know I’m not alone)

Instead of sailing along and trusting that all is well, I had to work hard to feel at peace, reminding myself constantly that all was well instead of feeling it instinctively.

I found myself struggling with things instead of flowing along with my usual ease. I, a life coach with a Discover your Dream Job programme, couldn’t figure out where I wanted to go next with my own career - seriously out of integrity! The only thing I did feel sure about on that front was that I wanted my writing to become more central. But then I found myself struggling to write. And a new relationship, instead of blossoming blissfully, was fraught with difficulties. As I fretted, it floundered and finally fell apart.

But for some reason I was not aware of the disconnection. I was very aware that things weren’t as free-flowing as normal, but I forgot that the outer always reflects the inner. I fretted about why the outer was as it was, instead of breathing deep, trusting that all will be well, and letting go. Very remiss of me…

I only began to join the dots after recently embarking on a programme of decluttering. Suddenly things were looking up again, the synchronicities were more frequent and there was clarity.

It was the re-emergence of the butterflies that helped the penny to finally drop. When they started to come back into my life – or to be very truthful, I started to notice the ones I was already surrounded by and was just not seeing - I realised just how disconnected I had been. I realised it with profound gratitude, because I knew I was reconnecting again.

In clearing my clutter my energy was becoming unstuck and I started to find my way back to my centre. And I started to ask myself what happened. When and where did I start to lose my way? I’ve traced it back to moving house last July. I might save the list of reasons as to why that is for another post. But let me just say here that I don’t believe in coincidences and I am convinced that the energy in my home is not quite right for me.

So I’m going to change it. When I’ve completely finished the Great Declutter I’m going to do a space clearing ceremony to "cleanse and purify the chi" of my home.

What else has clicked for me since my clarity improved? Well, I remembered that my meditation practice was so much better before the move. In my last home I easily meditated for fifteen to twenty minutes every morning. Since I moved here I’ve been struggling to do five minutes. At the time of the move I wondered if I were missing the view of a tree from my old bedroom window, but now I’m wondering if a change of energy might be more instrumental. At least I’m hoping that a new change in energy will help improve things on that front.

Did you notice something important there? I was aware of the change in my meditation practice at the time, but instead of focussing on finding a solution I kinda let it slide. I made do with the five minutes a day (well all the teachers say it is better than nothing). There, I think, was the slippery slope that lead to my gradual and progressive disconnection.

Then a few months down the line I stopped writing out my daily intentions and affirmations. I still set them (the intentions) and recited them (the affirmations), but I took a lazier approach to it than before. What I used to do, and it worked for me oh so beautifully, is I used to write them out in full while having breakfast, then go upstairs, read the intentions, meditate, then read the affirmations.

Since the end of November I’ve been short-circuiting that process big time. Before I got out of bed at all, I would do a quick run-through of my intentions for the day in my head, meditate for barely five minutes, and maybe do a quick run-through of my affirmations. The whole process would take me less than ten minutes and would be barely mindful. No wonder my connection to my spirit was so weak…

But the bit that has me really confused is this. During the last six months I’ve gotten to know myself a lot better. I’ve tapped into some fears, well lots of fears actually, that I had hidden under ambivalence. In some areas of my life I definitely have a much greater self-awareness.

And this was achieved during a time that I was not that in tune with my higher self. I’m trying to tie the two together logically, and I’m not managing to make sense of it. But then maybe I should just let go of the logic – focussing on logic over feelings always leads me away from my peaceful core.

Maybe I was meant to stray away from my inner peace. If I’d been going with the flow more, experiencing lots of magic and easily trusting that I was on the right path, then the hard questions may have just floated over my head instead of digging so deep.

One of my interests is kayaking, and though we generally go with the flow on a river, occasionally you have to paddle upstream just an itty bit in order to have the best angle of approach to a particular feature. I wonder if that’s what was going on with me? I certainly believe that whatever happens is meant to happen, even if that does mean I occasionally stray away from my own centre.

And so, while I recognise now that I’ve been in the wilderness for a bit, I’m not sorry to have gone there. I did learn lots of interesting things about myself, and I’ve also learned the importance of not taking short-cuts! Well, with the important things in life, there are no short-cuts really ; )

And now I’m coming home, back to a place where I feel joy and peace effortlessly, but with a stronger self-awareness than I had before. All is good.

And how have I done it? I’ve re-established the routine of writing out my daily intentions and affirmations. I remembered some good advice from Judith Morgan and I’ve embarked on an Extreme Self Care spree. After a gym workout I treat myself to a dose of the jacuzzi - bliss! I had a long overdue shiatsu session, and I’m looking forward to another on Tuesday. I had a consciousness shifting session, which was a new experience for me but I think I’ll be going back for more. I had an energetic massage which was also well overdue, and I’ve renewed my intention to make that a more regular treat. (Don't be fooled by the word "energetic" there, it's a delightfully relaxing and pampering indulgence, with the added benefit of leaving your energy chakras rebalanced)

And I’m still decluttering. A bit here and a bit there. And every bit makes a perceptible difference to my energy. My sense of peace is being restored. And I’m now facing two weeks school holidays (a recent teaching stint having come from my career conundrum) during which time I will complete the declutter and perform the space clearing ritual. I’m breathing more deeply already.

I’ve gone from feeling stuck in limbo to having a strong sense of moving forwards, eventhough I’m still not sure where I’m headed. But I know I’m going somewhere and I’m much more at peace with the not-knowing-where than I have been of late : )

Look for the Silver Lining

(part of the Happy Friday series)

What do you think of the concept of embracing tough times? Does it seem counter-intuitive? It certainly did to me, but believe it or not, I’ve learned to appreciate them almost (but definitely not quite) as much as the good times.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying I welcome difficult experiences as much as I welcome great ones. But in recent years I’ve learned to not resist them as much (that doesn’t help at all, because what you resist persists).

When I say I now appreciate them, I mean I am grateful for the lessons I learn from them, or for the unexpected opportunities that came my way because of them. I firmly believe that there is always a silver lining, and I can’t recommend enough that you actively seek it when you’re going through a rough patch.

But the tricky thing about silver linings (dare I even say slightly annoying?) is that they usually only become apparent with hindsight. So you have to be patient and keep an eye out for it, even if things are so bad right now you can't possibly imagine a blessing wrapped up in it.

“When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.” -- Helen Keller

Think about it for a minute. When life is rough you have two choices:

1. Wallow in your misery; feel sorry for yourself; ask “why is this happening to me?”

2. Accept that this is your reality for now; trust that the pain is temporary; wonder what lessons you will learn from it; look forward to the light that always follows darkness

Ooh, the first option is very tempting. It doesn’t usually feel like a choice at all. It seems more like a natural response. But if you don’t accept that you’re always choosing your reactions (even if that is often an unconscious choice) then I’m sorry to say you’re on the wrong blog!

How you deal with any situation in life is always a choice. The trick is to make your choice consciously. And which one of the two choices above is most likely to ensure you feel better while you’re feeling bad? AND more likely to help you move through the bad feelings more quickly to feel truly better?

In my experience, deliberately looking for the silver lining helps you to start to feel a lot (if not fully) better almost immediately. It also frees up your energy to find ways of coping better.

That is not to say that I’m no longer guilty of going with the first option. Unfortunately, it is often my automatic response. But thankfully I now quickly move on to looking for the silver lining.

No matter how bad I’m feeling, I trust that there is a really good reason for what I’m going through. I trust that there is something better on the other side, and so I look forward to discovering what that is. And I trust that in time I will look back with gratitude for the experience.

The result? I feel happier in myself despite dealing with some bad stuff right now. And as in myself is the only place I can truly feel happy, that’s got to be a really good thing, right?

Do you agree with the idea of appreciating the bad as well as the good? How do you deal with the tough times when they come along?

Similar posts:

Finding the Silver Lining
Accept the present as it is

Reinvent yourself

When you change yourself you change your world.

You can change how you feel about your world when you change how you look at it and how you react to it. You might not be able to control the external circumstances. But your choices about how to deal with it, your thoughts about it, and consequently your feelings are all absolutely within your control. All you have to do is become aware of this, and consciously choose rather than unconsciously react.

If you're not happy at work, you can change your current job, you can change your entire career, or you can change the person you bring to work every day (that's you).

If you're not happy in your relationship, you can choose to leave, or you can look at the role you've been playing and choose to change it.

If you're not happy with your appearance, you can choose to change your hairstyle, wardrobe, weight or you can choose to love and accept yourself exactly as you are.

I could go on, but you get the idea I'm sure. In each of the above and other examples, you could also choose not to change, but to complain and feel angry, disappointed, sad - in a word, unhappy.

I may risk your wrath and suffer a lot of unsubscribes here, but the truth of the matter is, if you're unhappy about any area of your life, and you're not choosing to make the changes yourself, you are in effect, albeit unconsciously, choosing to keep the status quo. You're choosing to be unhappy.

I've said this before, I'm sure I'll say it countless times in the future. The answer to almost every dilemma in your life lies within you, not without.

Everytime something goes awry in my life I look within. Not always immediately, I have to admit. Oftentimes I indulge myself with an unconscious reaction for a while. But that never helps.

What always helps is when I calm down and ask myself, how have I contributed to this situation or attracted this problem into my life? What thoughts and actions have led me here? And when the answer comes, I acknowledge it and I forgive myself. And then I change my thoughts and actions to be more aligned with how I would like things to be instead.

Works a treat - always.

The external circumstance won't always magically change to suit your desires (although sometimes it will). But how you feel about that situation will change, and that is what really matters.

And when you feel better about a situation, you will be more empowered to make the difficult decisions. The ones you know in your heart and soul you need to make but were previously resisting (like change your career, or leave that relationship, or alter your attitude and behaviour).

The changes to your world that you want and need to make. The changes that begin when you learn to look inside - and reinvent yourself.

Learn from everything

(a Thought for the Week)

“Your joy is divine and so is your suffering. There’s so much to be learned from both.” ~ Wayne Dyer

“Learn everything you can, anytime you can, from anyone you can - there will always come a time when you will be grateful you did.” ~ Sarah Caldwell

“Learn to get in touch with the silence within yourself, and know that everything in life has purpose. There are no mistakes, no coincidences, all events are blessings given to us to learn from.” ~ Elizabeth Kubler Ross

“You learn something every day if you pay attention.” ~ Ray LeBlond

You can view my Thoughts archive here

Take chances, make mistakes

(a Thought for the Week)

"After all these years, I am still involved in the process of self-discovery. It's better to explore life and make mistakes than to play it safe. Mistakes are part of the dues one pays for a full life." ~ Sophia Loren

"The most valuable thing you can make is a mistake - you can't learn anything from being perfect." ~ Adam Osborne

"Do not fear mistakes. You will know failure. Continue to reach out." ~ Benjamin Franklin

"Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new." ~ Albert Einstein

"Take chances, make mistakes. That's how you grow. Pain nourishes your courage. You have to fail in order to practice being brave." ~ Mary Tyler Moore

You can view my Thoughts archive here

Shifting Direction & Embracing Uncertainty

I’ve just been reading a post by Joanna Young - in response to one of my own Thought for the Week quotations actually ;-)  It was written some months ago, but for some reason I only just read it now for the first time.  The particular quote was:

“I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I intended to be.” ~ Douglas Adams

Joanna says:

“It reminded me that we often find ourselves places that we didn't mean to go - and that's okay.  It doesn't mean we need to head back again - perhaps we just need to stop and enjoy the view, explore the paths that head off from here, or just accept that this is where we were 'meant' to get to in the first place.”

This is beautifully synchronous for me, as I have recently shifted direction myself.  And the irony is that I’ve hired Joanna to help me with it!

Where I intended to go was to build a coaching business to help people live joyfully in the here and now.  And I engaged in a few different writing projects (including this blog) as a means of marketing that business.  But where I’ve ended up is realizing that what I enjoy most is the writing side of my work.  And so, my new journey is being a writer, first and foremost, and figuring out a way to make a good living out of that. 

It’s a tricky one, because most of the writing I have been doing (my coaching e-programmes being the only exception) is for free.  And I want to continue offering those writing services at no charge.  But I do need to pay the bills as well.

I have several ideas about how I might get there, but the fact of the matter is I don’t really know how it’s all going to work out.  But that’s ok, because in truth none of us ever know how anything is ever going to work out - even if we think we do!!

So, instead of worrying about how it’s all going to turn out, I’m going to throw myself into it with passion and gusto (I’m finally starting to re-emerge from a period of serious stuckness), and trust that even if I end up shifting directions several more times along the way, I’ll eventually end up where I’m meant to be.

This Deepak Chopra quote helps me remember to let go of the need to know how it will be:

"Relinquish your attachment to the known, step into the unknown, and you will step into the field of all possibilities."

Uncertainty about the future is absolutely unavoidable.  What helps you to embrace it?

Feelings versus Logic - Decisions, Decisions

"Choose feelings over logic, adventure over perfection, here over there, now over then, and always love, love, love." ~ Mike Dooley

I have this note stuck to my wall just inside my front door, so I read it often. A regular reminder for what I believe to be a wonderful philosophy to live by, because therein lies many of the keys to happiness.

Happiness is not a logical state of being, but a feeling state and no amount of logical analysis of the endless What if's can substitute for just dealing with what is in front of us right here right now, to the best of our current ability.

The trouble is, it's so hard to let go of the logical approach that has been ingrained in most of us over the course of our lifetime. Logic is a fearful energy - we engage in it to protect ourselves from making mistakes and to avoid potential future pain. Seems like a sensible enough approach really. But the truth I've come to know over the last few years, is that the wisest way is always the one where your intuition points you.

How to do that is to silence the fearful thoughts that logic throws up. Silence them in your own head, and disregard them when others offer you their own fearful thoughts on your behalf. They all mean well, but if you are to get in touch with what's truly right for you, you need to shut them all out for a little bit. Nobody else knows what's best for you.

Ask your intuition to guide you, and wait. Watch out for the signs and coincidences, and wait for the quiet insistent knowing. And when you get that, trust it and go with it. You don't have to know how everything is going to turn out in the long run, but if you trust your intuition you will know that it's going to be all right.

I've been a coward most of my life, refusing to take either physical or emotional risks. But since I've been training myself to go with what feels good or right, despite often feeling great fear, my life has become so much richer. But it's still a constant struggle between fear and love (at the root of everything we think, feel or do is an energy of either love or fear).

I know at the core of my being that I don't need to protect myself as much as I think, because whatever happens in life I will cope with it and come out the other end stronger. I know that when I choose to be guided by my fear I am missing out on something wonderful in the present in order to avoid a potential fear for a future that may never arrive. And yet, I give into my fear as much as I rise above it.

For the last few weeks I've been struggling between feelings and logic in a particular situation. Everytime I let go of logic and trust my feelings things have gone beautifully. But I keep letting logical thoughts creep into my consciousness and without fail trouble follows. I know better, but we're all a work in progress and I expect I will continue to have this battle throughout my life. I reassure myself though that I am getting better with practice ;-)

Tomorrow is my birthday, and my promise to my future self is to tune into my feelings every time I catch myself using the fearful approach of logic to make a decision or solve a dilemma. I promise to choose adventure over perfection because I know I will learn and grow through adventure. Perfection might be safe, but it will limit me too.

I promise to choose here over there and now over then because I know it is pointless to compare this point in time with any other (as this is the only one I really have) or to compare myself with other people - we all have our own unique path in life, and our own timescale and I trust that I will get to wherever I'm going in my own good time.

I promise to consciously think, feel and act from an energy of love rather than fear. And when I find myself unconsciously doing the fearful thing I will lovingly correct my course. I wish to live my best life, and giving into my fears will cripple my ability to do that. Therefore, I choose love, love, love.