Living Out Loud

Change your beliefs and you change your world

"Men often become what they believe themselves to be. If I believe I cannot do something, it makes me incapable of doing it. But when I believe I can, then I acquire the ability to do it even if I didn't have it in the beginning." -- Mahatma Gandhi

If your life is less than what you would like it to be, and you wish to address this proactively it is essential that you examine and, if needs be, change your beliefs.

But what exactly are beliefs? Well, quite simply, they are

a) ideas you hold onto as fact
b) thoughts that you've thought many times over
c) the foundation of everything you experience in your life

What are beliefs not?

a) facts
b) universal truths

Beliefs are thoughts and ideas that you give power to through repetitively thinking that they are "true", that they represent the way things are. But the real truth is your thoughts and ideas are no more true than my thoughts and ideas, even if our thoughts differ greatly.

Your beliefs have a great deal of power over you, because you consistently come across evidence to support them. Your experiences in life will constantly prove your beliefs to be seemingly factually correct. The reason for this is that your conscious mind cannot possibly cope with every piece of information that it is exposed to. So your subconscious sifts all the information it receives and rejects that which contradicts your beliefs and retains that which supports them.

Some of your beliefs may have been taught to you by family, teachers, friends etc, and some are completely of your own thinking. And given that we each have a unique combination of environment, upbringing and life experiences, we each have our own set of beliefs.

Where your beliefs stem from however, is not that important. What is really important is to realize that they are not undeniable truths - if they were, they would be universally shared! But your beliefs do inform your view of the world, how you think things are and how you think they should be.

Generally, beliefs are attached to strong emotions. Your attitude to life is completely influenced by them. Therefore, what you believe is of the utmost importance in how you approach your life, and deal with the issues you face on a day to day basis. In order to change your habits, you may need to change your beliefs.

The main problem with beliefs, is that most of us live with Limiting Beliefs, which hold us back in going for what we want out of life, or interfere with our attempts to think about things in a new way. What do you believe about yourself, your qualities, your abilities, your family, your friends, your financial situation, your ability to control your world?

If your beliefs don't support your intentions to change things for the better, chances are you won't manage to implement those changes. Instead, you will encounter plenty of obstacles to support your belief that this is beyond your capabilities/your family don't love you/your friends don't appreciate you or whatever it is that you're assuming to be the case.

If on the other hand, you believe you are a strong person, capable of acquiring the new skills required you will overcome obstacles, rather than falling at them. If you believe your family and friends will provide you with the support that you need, you will find the courage to go for what you want. The obstacles that may arise along the way won't necessarily vanish because of your positive beliefs, but your ability to deal with them and keep moving forward is absolutely dependant on your belief that it is possible.

Changing your limiting beliefs doesn't just help you to change your life, it helps you to transform it!

Change can be temporary - you can change forwards and back, as often as you like. Transformation is permanent. There's no going back. A butterfly cannot go back to being a caterpillar. That is transformation. You can make temporary changes in your life without delving too deeply into your beliefs. But if you want to make fundamental transformations, you will have to examine them and make sure they support you in going for what you want.

The good news is that this is absolutely do-able. The process is simple, but it also requires dedication and commitment. Yes, that means hard work!

What to do?

1. Identify your beliefs in the area of your life you want to improve. (To do this, simply look at your experiences so far - they will mirror your beliefs)
2. For each limiting belief you uncover, ask yourself what belief would support you better?
3. Write affirmations that simply describe the new beliefs you'd like to adopt
4. Recite these to yourself many times a day for as long as it takes to install the new beliefs (remember, beliefs are merely thoughts you've thought repeatedly). Inject strong positive emotion to this process. It will help if you combine these affirmations with meditation. Every time you catch yourself thinking the old belief, recite your new affirmation.

It does take a lot of practice, but if you open yourself to the possibility you could find evidence to support the new belief emerging very quickly. And the more you reaffirm the new belief to yourself, the more evidence you will notice, and the stronger your new belief will become. No matter how sceptical you may be feeling right now about this process, I'd ask you to be open-minded and give it a shot. What have you got to lose?

You've got a whole new world to gain.

As within, so without

"Our outer world is a reflection of our inner world. Take care of your inner world and plant the seeds of goodness & love. All other things will fall into place." ~ Unknown

"As we understand that the outer world is merely a reflection of our inner world we realize that people and events do not happen to us, they happen for us. We drew them to us for our higher good, for our understanding, for the evolution of our consciousness." ~ Lucille Anne Meltz

"It does not matter one iota what we change on the outside, if we haven't done the work to change on the inside. Our reality will continue to evolve so that it is a reflection of our inner beliefs and world." ~ Tony Davies

All is well, no matter what it looks like

(A Thought for the Week)

"Whatever relationships you have attracted in your life at this moment, are precisely the ones you need in your life at this moment. There is a hidden meaning behind all events, and this hidden meaning is serving your own evolution." ~ Deepak Chopra

"A jug fills drop by drop." ~ Buddha

"Your joy is divine and so is your suffering. There's so much to be learned from both." ~ Wayne Dyer

"I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I intended to be." ~ Douglas Adams

"Life has to be lived forwards, but it only makes sense backwards." ~ Rod Briggs

"All is well, no matter what it looks like. It's all happening perfectly." ~ Susan Jeffers

You can view my Thoughts archive here

10 rules for being human

by Rod Briggs of MindLink Foundation

1. You will receive a body - you may love it or hate it, but it's yours for the entire period.

2. You will learn lessons - you will enroll in a full-time school called 'LIFE'. Each day you have the opportunity to learn lessons. You may like the lessons or think of them as irrelevant or stupid.

3. There are no mistakes - only lessons. Growth is a process of trial and error experimentation. The "failed" experiments are as much a part of the process as those that work.

4. A lesson is repeated until it is learned. Lesssons will be presented in various forms until you have learned them. When you have learned you can go on to the next lesson.

5. Learning lessons does not end. There is no part of life that does not contain lessons. If you are alive, you are learning.

6. "There" is no better than "here". When your "there" has become "here", you will simply find another "there" that will look better than "here".

7. Others are merely mirrors of you. You do not love or hate something about another person unless it reflects something you love or hate about yourself.

8. What you make of your life is up to you. You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you.

9. Your answers lie within you. The answers to life's questions lie inside you and you only need to look, listen and trust.

10. You will remember or forget all of this. The choice is yours.

Mistakes are good

(a Thought for the Week)

"The greatest mistake you can make in life is continually to be fearing you will make one." ~ Elbert Hubbard

"A life spent making mistakes is not only more honourable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing." ~ George Bernard Shaw

"Take chances, make mistakes. That's how you grow. Pain nourishes your courage. You have to fail in order to practice being brave." ~ Mary Tyler Moore

"The most valuable thing you can make is a mistake - you can't learn anything from being perfect." ~ Adam Osborne

"What would you do if you weren't afraid?" ~ Spencer Johnson

You can view my Thoughts archive here

Hooray for Butterflies

I have been so disconnected from my centre for such a long time. And the sad thing is I didn’t even realise it.

The magical synchronicities were few and far between, things weren’t working out as beautifully as I’d become accustomed to, and there were no butterflies. (For me, the sight of butterflies, either in physical or artistic form, is the Universe’s way of tapping me on my shoulder and letting me know I’m not alone)

Instead of sailing along and trusting that all is well, I had to work hard to feel at peace, reminding myself constantly that all was well instead of feeling it instinctively.

I found myself struggling with things instead of flowing along with my usual ease. I, a life coach with a Discover your Dream Job programme, couldn’t figure out where I wanted to go next with my own career - seriously out of integrity! The only thing I did feel sure about on that front was that I wanted my writing to become more central. But then I found myself struggling to write. And a new relationship, instead of blossoming blissfully, was fraught with difficulties. As I fretted, it floundered and finally fell apart.

But for some reason I was not aware of the disconnection. I was very aware that things weren’t as free-flowing as normal, but I forgot that the outer always reflects the inner. I fretted about why the outer was as it was, instead of breathing deep, trusting that all will be well, and letting go. Very remiss of me…

I only began to join the dots after recently embarking on a programme of decluttering. Suddenly things were looking up again, the synchronicities were more frequent and there was clarity.

It was the re-emergence of the butterflies that helped the penny to finally drop. When they started to come back into my life – or to be very truthful, I started to notice the ones I was already surrounded by and was just not seeing - I realised just how disconnected I had been. I realised it with profound gratitude, because I knew I was reconnecting again.

In clearing my clutter my energy was becoming unstuck and I started to find my way back to my centre. And I started to ask myself what happened. When and where did I start to lose my way? I’ve traced it back to moving house last July. I might save the list of reasons as to why that is for another post. But let me just say here that I don’t believe in coincidences and I am convinced that the energy in my home is not quite right for me.

So I’m going to change it. When I’ve completely finished the Great Declutter I’m going to do a space clearing ceremony to "cleanse and purify the chi" of my home.

What else has clicked for me since my clarity improved? Well, I remembered that my meditation practice was so much better before the move. In my last home I easily meditated for fifteen to twenty minutes every morning. Since I moved here I’ve been struggling to do five minutes. At the time of the move I wondered if I were missing the view of a tree from my old bedroom window, but now I’m wondering if a change of energy might be more instrumental. At least I’m hoping that a new change in energy will help improve things on that front.

Did you notice something important there? I was aware of the change in my meditation practice at the time, but instead of focussing on finding a solution I kinda let it slide. I made do with the five minutes a day (well all the teachers say it is better than nothing). There, I think, was the slippery slope that lead to my gradual and progressive disconnection.

Then a few months down the line I stopped writing out my daily intentions and affirmations. I still set them (the intentions) and recited them (the affirmations), but I took a lazier approach to it than before. What I used to do, and it worked for me oh so beautifully, is I used to write them out in full while having breakfast, then go upstairs, read the intentions, meditate, then read the affirmations.

Since the end of November I’ve been short-circuiting that process big time. Before I got out of bed at all, I would do a quick run-through of my intentions for the day in my head, meditate for barely five minutes, and maybe do a quick run-through of my affirmations. The whole process would take me less than ten minutes and would be barely mindful. No wonder my connection to my spirit was so weak…

But the bit that has me really confused is this. During the last six months I’ve gotten to know myself a lot better. I’ve tapped into some fears, well lots of fears actually, that I had hidden under ambivalence. In some areas of my life I definitely have a much greater self-awareness.

And this was achieved during a time that I was not that in tune with my higher self. I’m trying to tie the two together logically, and I’m not managing to make sense of it. But then maybe I should just let go of the logic – focussing on logic over feelings always leads me away from my peaceful core.

Maybe I was meant to stray away from my inner peace. If I’d been going with the flow more, experiencing lots of magic and easily trusting that I was on the right path, then the hard questions may have just floated over my head instead of digging so deep.

One of my interests is kayaking, and though we generally go with the flow on a river, occasionally you have to paddle upstream just an itty bit in order to have the best angle of approach to a particular feature. I wonder if that’s what was going on with me? I certainly believe that whatever happens is meant to happen, even if that does mean I occasionally stray away from my own centre.

And so, while I recognise now that I’ve been in the wilderness for a bit, I’m not sorry to have gone there. I did learn lots of interesting things about myself, and I’ve also learned the importance of not taking short-cuts! Well, with the important things in life, there are no short-cuts really ; )

And now I’m coming home, back to a place where I feel joy and peace effortlessly, but with a stronger self-awareness than I had before. All is good.

And how have I done it? I’ve re-established the routine of writing out my daily intentions and affirmations. I remembered some good advice from Judith Morgan and I’ve embarked on an Extreme Self Care spree. After a gym workout I treat myself to a dose of the jacuzzi - bliss! I had a long overdue shiatsu session, and I’m looking forward to another on Tuesday. I had a consciousness shifting session, which was a new experience for me but I think I’ll be going back for more. I had an energetic massage which was also well overdue, and I’ve renewed my intention to make that a more regular treat. (Don't be fooled by the word "energetic" there, it's a delightfully relaxing and pampering indulgence, with the added benefit of leaving your energy chakras rebalanced)

And I’m still decluttering. A bit here and a bit there. And every bit makes a perceptible difference to my energy. My sense of peace is being restored. And I’m now facing two weeks school holidays (a recent teaching stint having come from my career conundrum) during which time I will complete the declutter and perform the space clearing ritual. I’m breathing more deeply already.

I’ve gone from feeling stuck in limbo to having a strong sense of moving forwards, eventhough I’m still not sure where I’m headed. But I know I’m going somewhere and I’m much more at peace with the not-knowing-where than I have been of late : )

Look for the Silver Lining

(part of the Happy Friday series)

What do you think of the concept of embracing tough times? Does it seem counter-intuitive? It certainly did to me, but believe it or not, I’ve learned to appreciate them almost (but definitely not quite) as much as the good times.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying I welcome difficult experiences as much as I welcome great ones. But in recent years I’ve learned to not resist them as much (that doesn’t help at all, because what you resist persists).

When I say I now appreciate them, I mean I am grateful for the lessons I learn from them, or for the unexpected opportunities that came my way because of them. I firmly believe that there is always a silver lining, and I can’t recommend enough that you actively seek it when you’re going through a rough patch.

But the tricky thing about silver linings (dare I even say slightly annoying?) is that they usually only become apparent with hindsight. So you have to be patient and keep an eye out for it, even if things are so bad right now you can't possibly imagine a blessing wrapped up in it.

“When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.” -- Helen Keller

Think about it for a minute. When life is rough you have two choices:

1. Wallow in your misery; feel sorry for yourself; ask “why is this happening to me?”

2. Accept that this is your reality for now; trust that the pain is temporary; wonder what lessons you will learn from it; look forward to the light that always follows darkness

Ooh, the first option is very tempting. It doesn’t usually feel like a choice at all. It seems more like a natural response. But if you don’t accept that you’re always choosing your reactions (even if that is often an unconscious choice) then I’m sorry to say you’re on the wrong blog!

How you deal with any situation in life is always a choice. The trick is to make your choice consciously. And which one of the two choices above is most likely to ensure you feel better while you’re feeling bad? AND more likely to help you move through the bad feelings more quickly to feel truly better?

In my experience, deliberately looking for the silver lining helps you to start to feel a lot (if not fully) better almost immediately. It also frees up your energy to find ways of coping better.

That is not to say that I’m no longer guilty of going with the first option. Unfortunately, it is often my automatic response. But thankfully I now quickly move on to looking for the silver lining.

No matter how bad I’m feeling, I trust that there is a really good reason for what I’m going through. I trust that there is something better on the other side, and so I look forward to discovering what that is. And I trust that in time I will look back with gratitude for the experience.

The result? I feel happier in myself despite dealing with some bad stuff right now. And as in myself is the only place I can truly feel happy, that’s got to be a really good thing, right?

Do you agree with the idea of appreciating the bad as well as the good? How do you deal with the tough times when they come along?

Similar posts:

Finding the Silver Lining
Accept the present as it is

Reinvent yourself

When you change yourself you change your world.

You can change how you feel about your world when you change how you look at it and how you react to it. You might not be able to control the external circumstances. But your choices about how to deal with it, your thoughts about it, and consequently your feelings are all absolutely within your control. All you have to do is become aware of this, and consciously choose rather than unconsciously react.

If you're not happy at work, you can change your current job, you can change your entire career, or you can change the person you bring to work every day (that's you).

If you're not happy in your relationship, you can choose to leave, or you can look at the role you've been playing and choose to change it.

If you're not happy with your appearance, you can choose to change your hairstyle, wardrobe, weight or you can choose to love and accept yourself exactly as you are.

I could go on, but you get the idea I'm sure. In each of the above and other examples, you could also choose not to change, but to complain and feel angry, disappointed, sad - in a word, unhappy.

I may risk your wrath and suffer a lot of unsubscribes here, but the truth of the matter is, if you're unhappy about any area of your life, and you're not choosing to make the changes yourself, you are in effect, albeit unconsciously, choosing to keep the status quo. You're choosing to be unhappy.

I've said this before, I'm sure I'll say it countless times in the future. The answer to almost every dilemma in your life lies within you, not without.

Everytime something goes awry in my life I look within. Not always immediately, I have to admit. Oftentimes I indulge myself with an unconscious reaction for a while. But that never helps.

What always helps is when I calm down and ask myself, how have I contributed to this situation or attracted this problem into my life? What thoughts and actions have led me here? And when the answer comes, I acknowledge it and I forgive myself. And then I change my thoughts and actions to be more aligned with how I would like things to be instead.

Works a treat - always.

The external circumstance won't always magically change to suit your desires (although sometimes it will). But how you feel about that situation will change, and that is what really matters.

And when you feel better about a situation, you will be more empowered to make the difficult decisions. The ones you know in your heart and soul you need to make but were previously resisting (like change your career, or leave that relationship, or alter your attitude and behaviour).

The changes to your world that you want and need to make. The changes that begin when you learn to look inside - and reinvent yourself.

Learn from everything

(a Thought for the Week)

“Your joy is divine and so is your suffering. There’s so much to be learned from both.” ~ Wayne Dyer

“Learn everything you can, anytime you can, from anyone you can - there will always come a time when you will be grateful you did.” ~ Sarah Caldwell

“Learn to get in touch with the silence within yourself, and know that everything in life has purpose. There are no mistakes, no coincidences, all events are blessings given to us to learn from.” ~ Elizabeth Kubler Ross

“You learn something every day if you pay attention.” ~ Ray LeBlond

You can view my Thoughts archive here

Take chances, make mistakes

(a Thought for the Week)

"After all these years, I am still involved in the process of self-discovery. It's better to explore life and make mistakes than to play it safe. Mistakes are part of the dues one pays for a full life." ~ Sophia Loren

"The most valuable thing you can make is a mistake - you can't learn anything from being perfect." ~ Adam Osborne

"Do not fear mistakes. You will know failure. Continue to reach out." ~ Benjamin Franklin

"Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new." ~ Albert Einstein

"Take chances, make mistakes. That's how you grow. Pain nourishes your courage. You have to fail in order to practice being brave." ~ Mary Tyler Moore

You can view my Thoughts archive here