A comment about rambling on Megan's post about authenticity and redefinition deeply resonated with me. I realised "rambling" is exactly what I've been doing the last few years. And it's been an absolute joy!
I know it's not the modern Western way, but I don't have much of a plan for my life! When I was a practicing life coach, I was great at setting myself clear goals - and encouraged clients and friends to do likewise! But whenever I set myself a plan of action, I often found it turning into a mountain of "shoulds". And "shoulds" drain my energy and create resistance, and usually I would end up abandoning the plan. And what was worse, the abandonment was often unconscious, and brought a resulting feeling of shame with it.
But over the last few years I've paid more attention to the fundamental intentions underlying my various goals. And I've found the specific goals shifting and evolving at such a fast rate, that I just can't take them too seriously anymore. And since I've stopped tying myself to various targets (and especially conventional goals) I've felt less pressure, stress and anxiety about where it is I'm going.
Instead, I find myself more and more open to allowing things to unfold, and trusting that they're all happening perfectly for me. That's not to say that I don't still want various outcomes at different times. I most certainly do! But somehow I'm managing to not become too attached, or to eventually release my attachments, and allow what I want for myself to evolve.
It's been a surprising journey to say the least. But it's been wonderful too. I'm really enjoying my life. I don't have alot of the conventional securities that almost everyone I know has, or indeed much of a structure to my life.
I do still have dreams and desires, and I am pursuing them according to what feels right in the moment, for as long as it feels right to do so. And when a shift kicks in and it starts to feel like I need to take a detour, I take it. Sometimes that detour still takes me towards the same destination (just in a more roundabout way), and sometimes it leads me in a whole new direction.
So what! I've learned to stop worrying about where I'll end up. Because there's simply no way of knowing! Even if I had a rigid plan that I sticked to consistently, day in day out, there'd be no guarantee I'd end up in the place where I expected to be. Our lives can change, beyond complete recognition, in a heartbeat.
Everytime I catch myself beginning to become embroiled in the whole business of conventional expectations, I remind myself of this irrefutable truth. And it returns me to a place of peace and restores my ability to trust that where I am is exactly where I'm meant to be.
My over-riding, non-changing desires for my life are based around states of being. Being happy, being centred in the energy of love, being connected to others, being in abundance, being at peace. And none of these states require achieving any specific targets. Having-ness will result in the ways that are best aligned with and best support the states of being I create for myself.
Some of those outcomes will resemble the people and things I consciously chose, and some of them will be complete surprises. Some of those outcomes will come easily, and some will come after I let go of suffering of my own creation (from being too attached to how things come about).
While I hope that for the most part I find the path easy enough, I accept there will be rough patches along the way. I have no idea where I'm going, or how I'm going to get there. I'm sticking with my clear intentions of how I want to 'be' in this world, but my only 'plan' (for now!) is to continue rambling my way through life. ;-)
A Thought for the Week
Live with intention
Walk to the edge
Play with abandon
Choose with no regret
Continue to learn
Appreciate your friends
Do what you love
Live as if this is All there is
~ Mary Anne Radmacher
I stole this off John's blog HiLife2B (but I don't think he'll mind)
“Another fresh new year is here . . .
Another year to live!
To banish worry, doubt, and fear,
To love and laugh and give!
This bright new year is given me
To live each day with zest . . .
To daily grow and try to be
My highest and my best!
I have the opportunity
Once more to right some wrongs,
To pray for peace, to plant a tree,
And sing more joyful songs!”
- William Arthur Ward
Wishing you much joy and many blessings over the coming year - Hilda.
Letting go of Guilt
I used to say to clients that guilt was a wasted emotion. But I've since come to realise that it's worse than that. Guilt is in fact a destructive emotion, as it drains your energy, and fosters feelings of shame. And shame depletes self-esteem.
So, if you catch yourself in the act of feeling guilty, you need to learn to let it go. I already talked about this somewhat in F is for . . . (forgiving yourself and others).
"It is probable that guilt is merely disguised fear of retribution, either divine or by the person wronged, which is why you punish yourself with shame and flagellation. It's a way, thinks your unconscious mind, to make amends so you don't get punished." ~ Barefoot Doctor
I don't know about you, but when I examined my feelings of guilt in the past, I realised that the above is true. I believe in karma, and while I do feel genuine remorse for my (perceived) acts of wrongdoing, fear of them coming back to bite me is never far away either. But actually, focussing attention on your (perceived) shameful deeds is giving them energy, and increasing the likelihood of your perpetuating actions that give rise to more guilt, or indeed attracting your (perceived) deserved retribution.
It's not too promising for your personal growth really.
Now I try not to indulge in feelings of guilt. They don't contribute to the wellbeing of the person towards whom I'm feeling guilty, and they certainly don't contribute to my wellbeing. Instead, I treat myself with compassion. I acknowledge the action I took that I wish I'd done differently, identify how I might rectify the situation, and resolve to do better in future. Then I let go, and move on.
That's a choice you can make too. Of course, you can choose the guilt, shame and self-flagellation. But it won't do you or anyone else any good whatsoever.
Why not try a different approach instead and see how that serves you?
Giving what you want to receive
“The game of life is a game of boomerangs. Our thoughts, deeds and words return to us sooner or later with astounding accuracy." ~ Florence Scovell Shinn
The experiences you have in your life are always reflecting your thoughts and feelings - the energy you are emitting.
So if there is something you want to receive more of in your life, try giving more of that to those around you. Give love, money, attention, support and you will receive love, money, attention and support – just so long as you give it from a place of genuine love and caring for others. This is absolutely key.
Give what you want to receive, but don't give in order to receive.
If you give in order to receive, you will negate the receiving effect. This is because your underlying intention is based in a feeling of lack - that is the energy you’re emitting and therefore you will continue to attract that lack.
But when you focus on genuinely seeking to help and serve others, you will discover, in many surprising ways, that you are receiving much of the same - and often much, much more - back into your own life.
And another added bonus: when you give what you want to receive, you're less likely to act in ways that lead to guilt ;-)
Goals - but treat them lightly!
A Thought for the Week
"You make a living by what you get. You make a life by what you give." ~ Winston Churchill
"If you want joy, give joy to others; if you want love, learn to give love; if you want attention and appreciation, learn to give attention and appreciation; if you want material afflucence, help others to become materially affluent." ~ Deepak Chopra
A Thought for the Week
"The way you treat yourself sets the standard for others." ~ Sonya Friedman
"If we spoke to others the way we often speak to ourselves, we'd have no friends!" ~ Duncan Coppock
"You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection". ~ Buddha
A Thought for the Week
"This above all: to thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man." ~ William Shakespeare
"Integrity is not a conditional word. It doesn't blow in the wind or change with the weather. It is your inner image of yourself, and if you look in there and see a man who won't cheat, then you know he never will." ~ John McDonald
A Thought for the Week
"Man is most nearly himself when he achieves the seriousness of a child at play." ~ Heraclitus
"We do not stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing." ~ George Bernard Shaw
"Play is the only way the highest intelligence of humankind can unfold." ~ Joseph Chilton Pearce
"When we come together to play and be, we are truly ourselves. When we are truly ourselves it is wonderful, and when we act collectively in that wonder we do transformative work for our community and our world." ~ Brad Colby
(A Thought for the Week)
"Count your blessings. Once you realize how valuable you are and how much you have going for you, the smiles will return, the sun will break out, the music will play." ~ Og Mandino
"When a person thinks about the things, people and experiences that they're grateful for, their awareness of the good in their life increases, and they start to feel good. What you focus on increases, so the more you feel good about all there is to be grateful for, the more will show up." ~Jamie Smart
"When it comes to life, the critical thing is whether you take things for granted or take them with gratitude." ~ Gilbert Keith Chesteron